You Can Go To The Super Bowl If You Give This Guy A Hand Job Or Blow Job
Free Super bowl Ticket for Hot Chick – $1
Good news for someone… My uncle got 4 tickets to the superbowl and gave me 2. My (biatch) girlfriend broke up with me on the day of the New England game so I will be taking someone along with me to spite her. I will pay for tickets, hotel, food, drinks, etc.
My requirements are simple:
1. You must be hot and a Ravens fan.
2. You will be expected to put out, at least HJ/ BJ/ etc.
3. You will have to hang with my aunt and uncle for at least a little bit.
Email me if you are interested — this is not a joke.
So I saw this last night on Deadspin with the title “Who wants to go the Super Bowl with this Awful Human Being”, and to be perfectly honest it pissed me off. Why is this guy an awful human being? He’s the exact opposite. An awful human being offers a free ticket with no caveats then when a chick accepts tries to coerce her into sex after the fact. This guy is completely upfront about it. Its Capitalism 101. He has a good and he’s setting the market price at an HJ/BJ. Someone will 100% take him up on this offer. He’s testing the market. Anyone who thinks that’s wrong is either an asshole or a communist. Just classic PC America. “Oh My god how could this guy ever want anything in return for the free hotel, food, tickets, and drinks! What an asshole” If two adults want to trade Super Bowl for sex they have every right to do it. Anyone who disagrees can go fuck themselves.
Now on to the real issue with this ad. Bro, an HJ or BJ? First of all it’s the Super Bowl. Second of all, who says HJ/BJ? That’s like telling someone they owe you 10 dollars or 100 dollars. You can’t do that, no one would ever give you 100. You need to be more firm. So I set up a playbook for you and anyone else who is ever trying to trade NFL playoff tickets for sexual favors. Don’t thank me, but you’re welcome
PS
By far the worst part of that deal is hanging out with this guy’s aunt/uncle. That’s offensive because old people suck.
Every time Neil showers and looks down at his weiner, he gently weeps
Who spells it biatch? A guy looking for a hand job
i kno right calling him “awful” is rich considering everyone at deadspin cums in and all over little kids asses.
Should have stipulated minimum BJ BEFORE game…otherwise he lost his leverage
I think it was the tone in his post. If he said “HJ/BJ would be greatly appreciated and fondly remembered” he wouldn’t have caught any flak.
Guy just lacks confidence for setting the bar so low…unless he is using it to test the waters and progress into some kinky shit
better be a sloppy pornstar HJ with facial if he’s gonna get his moneys worth there
Yea, I’m having a hard time believing some chick is gonna blow this guy AFTER the game when she leaves to go to the “bathroom” really quick and high tails it home.
HJ is the price for a preseason game.
69 before blowjob? you know that 34.5 of that 69 is a blowjob right?
Bro, you’re a bold son of a bitch BigCat. Throwing 69 on the list? You’re gonna just lick some dirty dirty girl’s nasty little snatch? No sir.
Anybody who thinks 69 is better than a BJ is a fucking lunatic. Most overrated sex position ever.
I’d even give this guy an HJ to go to the game
I like it. It’s like the NFL draft trade value tables Jimmy Johnson created.
A girl giving a guy a HJ is the equivalent of a dog licking my dick and calling it a BJ
I was gonna forward this article to KFC’s mom since she puts out, but he still has his dick in his parents.
Yea, gotta be BJ before ticket presented minimum. A HJ is the WORST. 9/10 the chick has no fucking idea what she’s doing and just whips her hand up and down as fast as possible trying to get it over with, and the 1/10 who knows how to give one is the girl you’d rather have with her mouth wrapped around your dick since she clearly knows her way around a cock.
BJ or better for a NFL playoff game.
A+ blog Big Cat. Too bad this guy will not find a “hot” chick to go with him. Hot chicks get tickets anyway.
This has chloroform rag and waking up to this guy and his aunt and uncle going family style on you written all over it.
A+ I read your stuff and then realize that all of Neil’s stuff comes right out of your asshole as splatter.
This guy is an amateur, or else he’d have been more specific in his post. See Aziz Ansari on Craigslist offers of tickets for sexual favors: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtXMKKNAmfg. Sorry dude, but HJ/BJ/etc is not gonna cut it. What the fuck is etc anyway in this situation? And “hot” isn’t gonna work either. Chicks think they’re hot like American Idol hopefuls think they’re good singers. And what is this guy, friendless? If I was one of his friends, and I found out I missed a Superbowl b/c he took some ugly skeez for a handjob, I’d bang his “biatch” girlfriend while she removed the rest of his non-existant sack.