Tulsa - A Tulsa, Okla., woman was found alive after being in her deep freezer for four days. Theresa Christian, 59, suffered severe frostbite to her legs and is listed in serious condition at a local hospital, KJRH-TV reports. And her family is thankful she’s alive. Christian, missing since Saturday, was found by Stewart Wednesday when he searched her home looking for her. A group of relatives had stopped by the day before and gone through the apartment but didn’t get a response when they called her name. On Wednesday Stewart returned and this time heard moaning coming from the area of the freezer. ”I heard her say, ‘Help me, help me,’” Stewart said. “She was in the closet, in the kitchen, in her deep freezer, and I opened the door and she was sitting in there.” Stewart told KJRH that although the closet door was closed, the door to the freezer was open when he found his mother. But for some reason she was still inside. It’s unclear why Christian entered the freezer. ”Possibly she thought maybe there was a tornado coming, but they’re not really sure why or how she got there,” Tulsa police Cpl. Daisy Vallely said.

Honest to goodness if spent 4 straight days of my life searching for my Mom, frantically worrying about her safety and it turned out she was goofing around playing hide and seek in a fucking deep freezer I’d probably just slam the door shut and wrap and lock a chain around that thing and be out. Be like Travis Marshall when he threw Professor Geller away in that church basement last season in Dexter. Walk outside to my relatives, shrug my shoulders, sigh and be like “Nope, she’s definitely not in there. Let’s go check out the bingo hall and if that comes up empty let’s just get on with our lives and forget this ever happened.” Because after the whacky behavior like sitting in a deep freezer comes the off-the-wall dementia problems, which is followed by the inevitable “I just spent 5 weeks gambling away your inheritance at the slots” and so help me God if that ever comes to pass. Not happening. No way, no how. It’s just better off for everyone if we start the cryogenic freezing process now.