Hey bro, good job good effort but remember rule #1: Lie when you have to. It’s no use being nice and complimenting a chick if you tell a girl she’s THICK right off the bat. Basically just shooting yourself right in the dick. I mean the rest of it was spot on. Telling her to wear smaller shorts, writing out “Mmm”, the line about checking out her tits. All gold and totally not creepy whatsoever. Just edit out that first sentence and you’re in.