SourceFarmington police are searching for a man who threw or ejaculated semen on two women while at Walmart on two separate occasions. Detectives were able to get surveillance pictures of the man, but he has not been positively identified yet. Police said he appears to be a Native American man between 5 feet 3 inches and 5 feet 6 inches and weighing about 165 lbs. He appears to be in his 30s to early 40s. The man arbitrarily chooses his female victims, according to police. Police said there are two confirmed victims, but more may be out there.


As we always point out with these stories, I just hope that deep down these women understand that this is the highest of compliments. Sometimes it’s tough for a guy to work up the courage just to talk to a random chick, nevermind walk up to them and ejaculate your semen onto their clothing and Louis Vuitton bag in a Wal-Mart. Yeah it’s a little messy and probably real expensive to get that out at the Cleaners but on the bright side it’s gotta be good to know that someone’s thinking about you in that way. I mean if you’re a chick and you wake up late for work, your car doesn’t start, you step in a puddle and everything else that could possibly go wrong does, a random guy sneaking up behind you and nutting on your personal belongings has to brighten your day up. Like Wow, I guess today isn’t such a bad day after all. Can’t be when random men are so turned on by the sight of you they start seeding in department stores. Classic pick-me-up after a tough day.

PS – What’s up with the police saying he either “threw” or “ejaculated” the semen? Bro you can’t just throw semen. It’s not like a football wherein you can spiral it 25 feet down aisle 4 and nail someone in the numbers.