SpringfieldThe pastor of St. Aloysius church on Springfield’s north end has been granted a leave of absence after he called 911 from the rectory and told a dispatcher that he needed help getting out of handcuffs. “I’m going to need help getting out before this becomes a medical emergency,” Father Tom Donovan told a dispatcher who sounds a bit incredulous during the Nov. 28 call. “You’re stuck in a pair of handcuffs?” the dispatcher asks. “(I was) playing with them and I need help getting out,” Donovan responds.

Donovan told the dispatcher that he was alone in the rectory. It’s not clear exactly how he ended up in handcuffs or why he feared a medical emergency. His voice sounds garbled or muffled on the tape, and sources say that police discovered some sort of gag on the priest when they arrived. The diocese has been tight-lipped about the matter, saying only that Bishop Thomas Paprocki granted Donovan’s request for a leave of absence at some point before Christmas. The diocese knows about the incident, given that Brad Huff, an attorney for the diocese, has been given a copy of the 911 tape by the Sangamon County Emergency Telephone System Department. Kathie Sass, spokeswoman for the Diocese of Springfield, said that the diocese also has a copy of a police report on the matter.

Well that outta quell any rumors out there about priests being gay and stuff. Nothing like rock solid evidence to set the record straight once and for all. I mean if the cops showed up and there was an alter boy or fellow clergyman with a frat paddle and a handful of anal beads you’d be able to make some easy assumptions and put the pieces together. But as it turns out the guy was all alone and just doing a little experimenting with some handcuffs and a ball gag in the middle of the pew so it’s no big deal. Just a little fun is all. I mean if you’re trying to tell me you’ve never been bored in church and thought about spicing things up you’re a liar plain and simple. Can only imagine the things you’d try if you fucking lived a House of God with that strict son of a bitch watching your every move with all this rules and restrictions. Boredom city.