Huff – Vegas is going all-in with its newest way to waste money: Sex toy races — and may the vibrator with the most buzz vibrate across the finish line first. The new bar game, played by up to eight people, pits four battery-powered dildos against one another in a 1.5 mph race against the cock (had to be said). The sex toys propel themselves on a piece of paper using what Fun Factory describes as a “new technology called drive.” “It’s not the most cerebral game but at least it’s more complex than Keno, and it gets people really riled up,” says Fun Factory CEO Frederic Walme, who ran the first sex toy race.

 

Pres just bought a race horse? Well I might have to buy a race dildo. Own the fastest dildo in the game. Start putting it on the track and raking in the cash.  I’ll get the strongest batteries, smooth it out so there’s no resistance, maybe lube it up for some extra speed. Just sit back and watch my dildo destroy the competition. Get in while the sport is young and fucking conquer it. Be the best damn dildo racing mogul this world has ever seen.

Quick, I need the most powerful dildo on the market and I need it now! Wait, what?