TMZ – 13-year-old Jewish boys will have to come of age WITHOUT Lindsay Lohan‘s help — because the actress does not do Bar Mitzvahs … despite recent claims by a talent agency trying to pimp her out for small-scale appearances. A North Carolina company called 123 Talent recently sent out mass emails, offering to book Lindsay for personal appearances, weddings, and Bar Mitzvahs. And now, Lindsay’s pissed — insisting her career hasn’t sunk so low that she’d be forced to do anything like a Bar Mitzvah or a wedding … not yet anyway. What’s more — sources close to the actress tell us, Lindsay NEVER signed a deal with 123 Talent and never agreed to let them represent her in any way … so the email is totally bogus. The CEO of 123 Talent – which still claims to represent Lindsay on its website — tells us, the pitch was NOT bogus but Lindsay’s team has since “decided to go in another direction.” The CEO added, “Unfortunately, we are not working with Lindsay Lohan.”

How relieved are all those Jewish mothers right now who were shvitzing bullets at the thought of Lindsay Lohan being their son of daughter’s sheppard into adulthood? Talk about averting disaster. One minute young Gabriel’s hawking Hebrew and reciting the Maftir in front of his relatives and loved ones and the next he and LiLo are doing shooters of Stoli and railing double-wide lines of blow off the Torah in a men’s stall bathroom. Oh there’s little Ilana gratefully receiving gifts as she becomes a woman and oh, now she’s scraping chips of gold off Rabbi Leibowitz’s menorah and offering to blow him if he doesn’t press charges. Just probably isn’t the best idea to have a celebrity misfit former child star with 30 DUI’s, drug charges and theft accusations preceding over the most important ceremony of somebody’s young life. Although it’s gotta suck if you’re a Jewish boy hearing this news. Getting heaps of gifts and money and getting your first handjob from an A-list celeb would be quite the introduction to manhood.