A romance specialist, good for you! Wow. How’d you get that title?

Yo,

How about WGN trotting out these Lovers Lane hookers this morning? The girl in pink and white needs to sit on my face.

PS – White Sox Dave would marry Dina in a heartbeat

- Bill

 

First off, ALL kinds of awkward in this video. Hilarious back and forth’s non-stop topped by that “How’d you become a romance specialist” gem in the beginning. Video is worth watching all the way through just for the audio alone.

Also it’s worth watching because 6 chicks in next to nothing clothing came out and modeled lingerie. Since chicks love judging each other and are always competing with one another, I figured we’d set up a little power rankings to make it easy for them to hurl insults and talk behind each other’s back. So without further ado, ranked last to first:

#6 – Dina

Hey Dina sweet gut bro. Not sure if Dina just went HAM at her Super Bowl party and maybe forgot about her TV appearance this week but everything about this girl screams fat chick that tries to hard. The fuck-me boots and sassy attitude can only cover up so much. Also you’re dance moves suck Dina and I have a pretty strong suspicion you’re a bit of a boozer.

#5 – Kelly Marie

 

“Black ruffled panties” almost made me vomit in my mouth. Just an awful combination of words. Anyways this chick isn’t terrible looking but I’m pretty sure her legs are the same size as that German bike racing bro Robert Forstemann from the Olympics last summer. Squats on squats is not a good look for modeling lingerie at 8 o clock in the morning.

#4 – Courtney

Have another drink Courtney! Seriously babe could you be more of a disaster on live television? Zero percent chance Courtney wasn’t shitfaced while doing this. Like I’m pretty sure she legit almost face planted when she came out onto the catwalk. Definitely the type of girl who gets super excited to go out for the night and then 45 minutes later there’s mascara running down her face and she’s crying about her ex while stuffing a 20 piece McNugget in her face.

#3 – Kat

Solid pick. See a lot of Drew Brees potential in this girl. Remember how there were questions coming out of Purdue about Brees’ height and concern that he couldn’t make it in the NFL so he dropped to the 2nd round? That’s Kat. She’s not gonna leap over the first two picks just yet but who knows what the future could hold. Also I’d like to ejaculate on her cannons.

#2 – Kelly Lynn

Kelly Lynn pulling out the toys! Holy moly what a little sexpot. And I’m not positive but I think the cameraman nutted his pants when Kelly Lynn spanked herself because he definitely lost focus and started zooming in on the floor and shit. Suffice to say a real solid pick to follow Dina out to the catwalk. Kind’ve like George Clooney playing the Fixer in Michael Clayton. Shit got out of control, people were worried things were gonna fall apart, then Kelly Lynn came out and spanked her ass a few times and everything was back to normal.

#1 – Christy

 

Bill nailed it in the e-mail: Christy sit on my face right fucking now. Best ass shot by a mile out of anyone else. Also the outfit apparently offers some great bust support if we’re to believe our “Romance specialist”. Can’t beat that. Didn’t think anyone would take down #2 but  Christy crushed it and the more I think about it “Kelly Lynn” sounds like a whore’s name so I don’t trust her as much. Christy nabs the top spot in the Lover’s Lane power rankings and deservedly so.