(Soucre) Millions of Americans are expected to dig into turkey on Thanksgiving Day, but People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) feels it has a better idea about what to stick in the roasted bird on Nov. 22. On Friday, the group announced it would be offering free tombstones emblazoned with the words: “Here Lies the Corpse of a Tortured Bird” for kids to place in the Thanksgiving turkey. PETA, which has a reputation for using sensationalist advertisements and commercials to convey its pro-animal stance, says kids who visit peta2.com/Tombstones and request a tombstone will get them in the mail for free.

All they have to do is tell PETA why they don’t eat turkey. “Kids love animals, and once they realize that turkeys feel pain and fear just as dogs and cats do, they want to switch out those drumsticks for Tofurky,” PETA spokeswoman Marta Holmberg says on the organization’s site. “This Thanksgiving, families can give turkeys something to be thankful for by choosing delicious vegan meals.” PETA says more than 45 million turkeys are killed in the U.S. for Thanksgiving dinners. “In nature, turkeys are protective and loving parents as well as spirited explorers who can climb trees and run as fast as 25 miles per hour. But most turkeys slated to be killed for food are crammed into filthy warehouses, where disease, smothering, and heart attacks are common,” PETA says.

“Here Lies the Corpse of a Tortured Bird”? Are you fucking serious PETA? Jesus christ, I knew vegetarians we’re crazy but this shit is unreal. Trying to get people to eat Tofurky on Thanksgiving day is basically like burning the American Flag. Its fucking ludicrous and anti-american. And save me the shit with the whole turkeys have feelings and turkeys make great parents and blah blah blah. Shut the fuck up. I know what turkeys do. They stand on top of each other for the FOX commercial break during the 1st quarter of the Lions game looking like morons. No amount of turkey parenting can change my perception of a turkey.

You’re telling me these idiots know what the fuck is going on? Give me a fucking break. I’m all for saving the whales, and gorillas, and dolphins. Animals that can actually do things. That are smarter than half of the world. But Turkeys can’t do shit. They’re a bird that can’t fly. They are literally born to be eaten. They’re a delicious pigeon. So if you actually get one of these tombstones for any other reason than to immediately throw it in the garbage you deserve to be shot. Because your basic understanding of natural selection and how the food chain works means you’re a burden to society.

PS

“In nature, turkeys are protective and loving parents as well as spirited explorers who can climb trees and run as fast as 25 miles per hour”

Get out of my face with this shit. PETA is like Mel Kiper trying to convince me a linebacker from Georgia with drug problems is worth the gamble because he has explosive speed and a great vertical.