OMG. 1 Degree. Look how cold it is!!! I can’t believe its freezing in January!! How fucking Crazy!!!

 

Maybe because we haven’t had a cold day in Chicago in like 2 years everyone in the world decided to do this today. Maybe just the sheer novelty of Zero degrees has everyone acting like the world is about to explode. I don’t know. I can’t get inside of everyone’s brain. But here’s what I do know. If you have ever even thought about posting your weather app on Facebook or twitter you need to kill yourself.  I can read. I know its cold outside.  You don’t think I fucking know that? Every time I walk outside to take my dog for a piss I want to put a bullet in my brain. Every time I turn on the TV some news anchor is teasing me about the arctic cold front coming down from Manitoba. Every time I turn on my car I have to say a little prayer that it will actually start. Or how about when I’m at the store, and people say “stay warm out there”, thanks bro, because if you hadn’t said that I would have totally forgot to keep my blood temperature at a vital level.

 

Its fucking January in Chicago. Its cold. I get it. So stop pointing out the weather like you’re some meteorologist or news breaker because you’re not. And I know this just sounds like a bitter rant but here’s the thing, the only time I get away from the fact that I live in Chicago in January and its Zero degrees outside is when I’m on the internet looking at babes in bikinis and pictures of places that aren’t akin to Antarctica. So don’t ruin that for me. That’s my happy place. And when Big Cat’s happy place is gone he has nothing left in this world.

 

PS
Only thing worse than these people are the people that brag about the cold weather like its some badge of honor. That’s beyond stupid. Cold weather doesn’t make you tough, it just makes you a moron like me that hasn’t figured out a way to make enough money in life to live somewhere warm during the Winter.