Quick introduction for those of you who don’t stay up late at night analyzing / beating off to NFL Wag’s: Sarah Hinton is 49ers TE Garrett Celek’s chick. J. Marie is with that goofy nosed bastard Colin Kaepernick and Courtney Eckhart is dating LaMichael James.
Now these chicks aren’t really stars in their own right so it’s really important to look at the intangibles of each girl. With that said right off the bat I’m banging J. Marie. Two big reasons behind that decision: A) Asian, B) If she can put up with dating that beady eyed motherfucker with the Port-nose behind center for the 49ers she probably has no problem having 3 1/2 minutes of terrible sex with an out of shape blogger with a half-mile forehead. Granted I don’t have as much going for me as a QB about to become a multi-millionaire, global sensation superstar but I get to call the shots here, not her, so whether she likes it or not I’m banging her.
Which brings us to Oregon darling Courtney Eckhart and Sarah Hinton. The all-American cheerleader vs the Hooters girl. Frankly I’m inclined to go cheerleader in that situation every time. Give me the classic girl next door blonde American chick all day and I’m a happy man. But there’s a big elephant in the room here and it’s sitting between LaMichael James legs. Bottom line is I just don’t know if I can go in for life after a black guy. Not sure if I can hear her say how she was So close that time every night before she goes to beat it to her ex’s Fathead poster and Youtube highlights. That would be absolutely brutal. At least with Hinton I can visit her at work, drink myself stupid, eat buffalo wings and stare at ass and titties for hours on end. And that, my friends, is what true love is all about. Kills me to say it but Eckhart’s fucking dead.
Marry – Sarah Hinton
Fuck – J. Marie
Kill – Courtney Eckhart