Chicago Sun Times - With aldermen bracing for the political fallout, Chicago is implementing a dramatic change in 911 dispatch to free the equivalent of 44 police officers a day to respond to the most serious crimes. As of Sunday, police officers are no longer responding in person to reports of a vehicle theft, garage burglary, or crime where the victim is “safe, secure and not in need of medical attention” and the offender is “not on the scene and not expected to return immediately.”

Hey whatever CPD thinks they gotta do they should do. Probably a good idea to switch up policing strategies on account of a fucking murder epidemic. Definitely on board with that. Kinda confused why they would make all this information public though? Like all you have to say is “We’re altering our approach to stopping violent crime”. Boom, you’re done. Just wrap that up right up there and maybe leave out all the details describing how you won’t respond to any crime where the victim isn’t bleeding out and in need of immediate medical attention. Kind of a tip off to all the criminals ya know. Seems like an invitation to pull some Memphis Raines shit so long as you don’t stab someone in the neck while doing it.

Also gotta love the little caveat about not showing up to a scene if the offender is “not expected to return immediately”. Good call guys, that’ll fool em! Way to narrow it down!

PS – Who commits garage theft?