Well I guess it has to happen every year. Like the bizarro St Patrick’s Day. A day that fucking sucks for any normal person. Detours, traffic, people walking around fake limping pretending like they actually just accomplished something I’m impressed with. Adults with MEDALS around their neck like they’re an 8 year old who just got his yellow belt in karate class. People wearing their Nike high perfomance Dri-Fit super polyester socks HOURS after race just so they know you know they just ran a marathon. The worst.

So, If you were planning on going anywhere east of Clark, or anywhere in River North or the West Loop just save yourself the hassle and turn your oven burners on before you go to sleep on Saturday night because not waking up ever again is a far better option.

PS – The only thing worse than Marathon Sunday is Marathon Monday, when you have people limping around your office retelling the story about mile 18 when they got a side cramp and needed to eat their emergency cliff bar except in their fucked up narcissistic mind its just as heroic as our troops storming the beaches of Normandy.