DM - Jenny McCarthy has admitted she once tried to have sex with a tree while high on ecstasy. The 40-year-old model said she once took too much of the party drug and tried to have intercourse with the tree after becoming unsteady on her feet. She said: ‘I found myself holding a tree to brace myself. The texture felt so good that I decided to rub my head and boobs all over it. It was a tree I was humping!’ Jenny also reveals she once had direct contact with God, but what she heard did not please her. Writing in her book Bad Habits: Confessions of a Recovering Catholic, she said: ‘I heard a chanting voice breathing down my neck. It kept saying, “Bimbos in limbo.”

Well I hope Urlacher got a full-fledged comprehensive STD test after breaking up with this chick. Herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, root rot, Dutch elm disease, you know the usual. You can never be too careful with a chick whose had a promiscuous past. Especially if that promiscuous past involves gobbling molly like tic-tac’s and trying to fuck a forest. Last thing this defense needs right now is the EPA taking 54 off the field to spray him down with DDT like its the 1950′s and fucking up all this momentum.

And how about Jenny claiming that God called her out for being a slut by chanting “Bimbos in limbo” while she was running around getting analed in the redwood forest? That’s as cocky a thing I think I’ve ever heard in my life. But then again I’m not a Playmate whore that will literally fuck anything so who knows, maybe God’s into that sorta thing.