ESPN Chicago - Chicago Simeon Career Academy forward Jabari Parker, the nation’s No. 2 senior, said Friday he will attend college rather go on a Mormon mission next year and that two local schools could have been options if it wasn’t for coaching changes. Parker previously mentioned the possibility of going on a mission. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints recently lowered the minimum age for going on missions to 18. Parker could have bypassed college, attended a two-year mission and entered the NBA draft. He dispelled that scenario on Friday.

“I know for a fact I’m going to college my first year,” Parker said on “The Waddle & Silvy Show” on ESPN 1000. Where Parker will attend college is still up in the air. He’s down to five schools and has made official visits recently to Duke, Michigan State, Florida and BYU. He also plans to visit Stanford. Parker said Friday that in-state schools DePaul and Illinois could have been right there as well if they hadn’t made coaching changes. DePaul fired Jerry Wainwright in 2010 and replaced him with Oliver Purnell. Illinois fired Bruce Weber last season and brought in John Groce.

Would have loved to see the pros and cons list up in the Parker living room trying to make this decision. On the one side there’s the “Play college basketball” option with advantages like the fact that in one year you’ll be a multi-millionaire in the NBA, you get to play college basketball and skip class, chicks will be straight up murdering each other to rape you, you’ll be the king of campus, you’ll be on ESPN every day, and you’ll be taking your first steps to being an International superstar.

Then on the other side we have “Be A Morman missionary for two years” with all sorts of advantages like literally absolutely nothing. There is nothing good that can come from being a Morman missionary for two years instead of being the best college basketball player in the nation. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing good about being a Morman missionary for two years period, nevermind whatever the alternative is. Wise choice Jabari. More than a little bit scary that you actually had to think about this for more than 2 seconds but whatever at least you figured it out.

PS - No chance this kid should’ve stayed in-state. Good move looking elsewhere. With all the millions he’s lined up for people are gonna be lining up left and right for handouts. Cousins you never knew you had shooting you texts and chicks poking holes in rubbers and shit. Time to bail.