Chicago Tribune - Adding to the litany of issues besetting neighboring nuclear rivals China and India, ranging from border disputes to the Dalai Lama to trade deficits, is a new one: UFOs. ”Over 100 UFOs seen along China border,” said a headline in Tuesday’s Times of India. Indian troops guarding the often-tense 2,100-mile border between the two Asian giants say the objects seen in recent months are yellow spheres that appear to lift off from the Chinese side, slowly traversing the sky for three to five hours before disappearing. Indian military officials have reportedly ruled out Chinese drones — 99 of which reportedly were documented during the first 10 months of 2012 — or low-orbit satellites.

The army reportedly aimed one of its drones in a UFO’s direction, but the object disappeared. Astronomers were also called in. According to local media, they saw some of the same unexplained objects but gave up after three days, concluding that they were “non-celestial.” Indian border troops report nearly 100 sightings over the last three months. The lack of answers has caused more embarrassment than fear in military circles, India Today reported, amid concern that this could be a crude psychological operation by the Chinese or a sophisticated probe designed to test Indian readiness. Sunil Dhar was on a research expedition with four other geologists and several reporters in 2004 when they saw a 4-foot-tall robot-like figure one morning descending a hill just as they were climbing out of their tents. “We were all amazed,” he said. “We thought it was some UFO, some object from some place that may not be the Earth.”

Love this match-up right here. The whacky deformed people of India vs. the crazy lunatics of China. The two weirdest and craziest populations on the planet going toe-to-toe along their border comparing nuclear weapons like it’s some sort of dick measuring contest. India trying to make a play in the big leagues by looking straight into the slits of China’s eyes and China staring right back at that weird reflective dot on India’s forehead. Pretty epic.

Of course, China obviously wins this round. And any round thereafter for that matter. They just got too much juice. Too much crazy. They took one look at these border disputes and fired up 100 UFO’s like it was nothing and scared all those slumdog millionaires back to the shanties. Just way too busy inventing global warming and manufacturing 16 year old aqua cheetahs to dominate Olympic swimming events to even really bother with India. But you gotta admire India’s fight. Admire their naivety. They just happened to live next to a legend who knocked em out first round. It happens.