Why can’t the CTA do something like this? Mix in a little spontaneous tits and ass with the vagrants, masturbating homeless people, and gang members stealing your Apple products and jumping to the platform right before the train door closes. I’d pay whatever the fuck Rahm wants me to pay if I could motorboat some broad and maybe squeeze off a shot in my briefs before getting robbed on the walk home. At least it’d be a nice memory to distract me from the Latin Kings across town jamming out to my iPod.

PS – That woman has a PERFECT rack. Perfect.