Bro, ever heard of a bicep curl?

Last night was it for me. I can’t sit here and take this any longer. Pres may even fire me for this, that’s how much he loves Bieber. I don’t care  though. If Barstool is For the Common Man by The Common Man, well then I feel like the common man’s voice should be heard, not a bunch of grown men who lust for an 18 year old half boy half lesbian. Enough. Bieber is over rated. He dresses like a gay super villian from 2095. He’s weak. He doesn’t tie his shoe laces, which is honestly not a fashion  thing its  just flat out dangerous and careless. He had literally every girl at the fashion show going crazy for him and he did nothing about it. Rihanna scissored more of the girls last night than Bieber did. Not even sure his dick got hard. He’s Canadian! CANADIAN! Why do people forget this? Canada shouldn’t have anyone in the world more popular than any American.  And guess what, I have the sneaking suspicion that Bieber is really fucking stupid. Completely banal. Historically dumb. I mean has he ever even gone to school? Does he even know how to READ?!?!?  I’d rather be smart and American over rich and famous if I also had to be Canadian and stupid all day every day.

Can’t wait until he gets a crazy cocaine problem and ends up marrying Lindsay Lohan in a shotgun wedding and then moves back to Canada and has to work as a maple syrup salesman in Manitoba for the rest of his life. You want a real heart throb America? Well there’s one sitting right in front of you that you seem to always forget about. His name is Nicolas Kim Coppola Cage, and he is 100% man.

Bruno Mars better watch out. I’m on a height kick this week and if he’s not careful I’ll figure out how tall he is. I swear to god I’ll do it. He makes Schefter look like Shaq.