Super Rare, Super Scary

So on KFC Radio yesterday the question was posed, how much would someone have to pay you to choke a puppy to death, and if you would is there a specific breed? Fucked up question. Honestly, if someone walked into my apartment right now, laid out 10 million dollars cash and a gun and said kill your dog and I’ll give you the 10 million I would shoot myself in the face instantly. Nothing in a million years would let me ever choke my own dog or any puppy for that matter. EXCEPT, 1 breed with a specific eye color.

Blue Eyed Dobermans

I don’t know what it is that makes me so afraid of blue eyed dobermans, OH WAIT, yes I do, its because they’re the scariest animal on planet earth. They’re ruthless. They’re cunning. Those icy blue eyes say I will eat your soul and murder your family. They’ll snatch a baby and then drag it’s mother in front of an oncoming train. They’ll put their paw in a handicap kids wheelchair spokes and then laugh in his face. They’re the devil personified. I’d rather fight a shark, a bear, a lion, a hawk, 3 nazis, 1 Ron Artest, 4 members of the Crips and the Undertaker 1 on 13 than go 1 on 1 versus a blue eyed doberman.

And I know what you’re thinking, Big Cat, you’re such a pussy, how many times have you actually seen a blue eyed doberman. Fair point. But guess what, I’ve actually seen 2 in my 27 years on this earth and both of those times were the scariest moments of my life. Do you just forget the scariest things that ever happened to you? No, you don’t. That wouldn’t be normal.

I would honestly say 50% of my nightmares are based on Blue Eyed Dobermans, and the other 50% are based on the half blue half brown eyed dobermans. Its how I’m going to die, I just know it. Honestly, Just look at this face. That is the face of pure, unadulterated evil.

I was seriously so scared just writing this blog post. I wouldn’t put it past blue eyed dobermans to teach themselves how to read just so they can find out which internet bloggers are afraid of them. Google image searching Blue Eyed Dobermans was the 3rd scariest moment of my life, behind the two times I actually saw a blue eyed doberman. Its like making someone who is scared of heights jump out of a plane. I want to throw up from overwhelming fear right now.