Hey KFC have fun with your fleeces and Game boy phone covers and lady robes bro. Big Cat and Pres can keep their skinny jeans and frilly little hats too. I’ll be rolling heavy in bacon scarfs all winter staying fresh and warm as a motherfucker. Honestly can’t think of a better cold weather gift than this. Not to mention its probably an incredible conversation starter at parties. Just ease on into a room and wait for people to notice and ask all about it and boom, you’re the hottest thing going. Drop a “Pigs in a blanket” line on girls along the way and you’re looking at an instant orgy. Instant.

PS – This whole thing works because they got the crisp around the edges just right. I’d rather play bongos on that 9th grade algebra teacher’s chest than eat frilly bacon. Yuck.

Update: Link for all you fashion icons that wanna dress like me