You know that guy you absolutely can’t stand. Whether it be a co-worker or a guy at the gym or maybe even a friend that you secretly hate, everyone has one of those guy’s in their life. Everything they do makes your blood boil. Small things, big things, things they don’t even know they’re doing. Everything. Well that’s Tim Kurkjian for me. And you know what’s crazy, I really don’t know why. I think part of it is the fact that he NEVER tweets anyone back which is quite possibly the biggest Hardo move in the world. To not even acknowledge that anyone else exists. Or it may be the fact that all he’s good for is name dropping front office executives and spouting off baseball facts that no one under 60 years old cares about. Like you think I fucking care that Albert Pujols is the third major leaguer to hit home runs in consecutive mondays to start the month of August? Fuck your stupid facts, fuck your stupid name drops, fuck your twitter snobbery and fuck your stupid face Tim.

I’m having a hard time deciding what exactly Tim’s Breast hands look like. I mean mentally I can picture him sitting at his keyboard milking away about some no name pitcher who has A+ stuff because the Blue Jays janitor told him so. But I’m torn whether each hand is a Tit or if each hand has a set of tits. Or if its an actual real set of tits or an MS Paint set? What do people think?

Single Tits?

Two pair?

If Breast Hands can be NSFW I guess the next pair are. Would be the highest of high comedy if someone got fired for peeping Tim Kurkjian’s tit hands though….

I think I’m going with number 3. Just because those tits are pretty sweet and if you’re going to have breast hands they might as well be hot right?

Double PS

You know how sometimes a player will go on the 15 day DL for undisclosed reasons but everyone knows its because they’ve lost their mind? Pres might be putting me on that type of DL stint after this blog post but I don’t care, tit hands had to be discussed. I know it, you know it, and most importantly Tim “Breast for hands” Kurkjian knows it.