(Newser) – Sad news in Hollywood marriages: Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman are calling it quits after 30 years of marriage and 41 years together, TMZ reports. DeVito, 67, and Perlman, 64—who is just one inch taller than DeVito at 5’1″—met in 1970 and have three children together. A rep confirmed the news. In happier news for celebrity unions, Jack Osbourne married Lisa Stelly yesterday, Us reports. The couple has a daughter, Pearl.
First of all, I didn’t even know Danny Devito was married let alone getting divorced. You know when a character is so good you just assume thats the real person as well? That’s how I am with Frank Reynolds. It was the same thing with George Costanza and Jason Alexander. There is no difference between the two. Like I just assumed Danny Devito ate trash, shared a bed with a dude in a 1 room studio, played night-crawlers, gambled a ton, and banged one eyed asian hookers. My mind can’t compute that he has been married for 30 years. Just doesn’t make sense.
Anyway, this brought up the question. If someone said to you here is a video of Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman fucking, and not just like a 30 second clip, I’m talking really fucking, like 55 minutes long, maybe a little anal, definitely some 69, the works, how much money would they have to pay you to watch it from start to finish? I think my number is $10,000 cash. Sure, I’ve seen midget porn, but never with 2 midgets. And you have to add in the age and grossness factor. It would be like watching your parents have sex only if they suddenly became two dwarves. Just nastiness all around. But everyone has a price, so I’m saying 10 grand and one of those memory eraser things from Men In Black. Feel pretty comfortable with that number
PS - Not trying to be gay here but I bet Devito has a real sweet dick. Just seems like the type of guy who carries around an awesome penis.