So with the Mega Millions jackpot up to like a Billion dollars everyone is buying tickets and playing the old hypothetical “What would I do if I won” game. Which got me thinking, what would I do if I won 1 billion dollars? Well the first thing I would do is break up with my girlfriend. Nothing against her, that’s just something I would have to do. Billionaires don’t have girlfriends. Plain and Simple. So when I told her this she replied, “That’s fine youll turn into a horrible person anyway”. And I realized something, she’s 100% correct.

For me winning Mega-Millions isn’t a question of what I would do with my Millions its more a question of how bad of a person I would become. I  can’t even fathom it. Just a complete and utter dick to everyone in the world. Why not? I would move to a lawless tropical island and do wild shit all day. Homeless people in Hell in the Cell matches to the death? Taking Super Drugs like the McAfee CEO? Creating a super breed of Sharks specifically designed to terrorize the ocean and make everyone’s vacation miserable? Paving over Lambeau Field? I’d literally do it all.  Like if you actually think Billionaire Big Cat wouldn’t hunt human beings for sport then you’re absolutely crazy. Scary stuff really. Just go to the deepest darkest place in my brain and make it a reality.  I would die in a drug/alcohol/sex/gambling/human hunting craze in Bora Bora by the end of the year. Honestly, I don’t think I even want to win the money, that’s how bad it would get. I would be an absolute tyrant. Can you own the World? Like physically own it? Because I would try if I won.

And the thing is I actually believe in karma and morals and being a good person but that’s poor Big Cat talking. Rich Big Cat believes in none of those things. Rich Big Cat would pay Ashley Greene 100 million dollars to shit on Darren Rovell’s chest while Robby Lange throws a football at his face. You see how bad that is? We don’t need that. As crazy as it sounds I think I need to stay poor and normal for the good of the world and human race.

 

*I guess its Powerball, are we really playing Semantics? Is there even a difference? I only play the lottery when its over 500,000,000. If you think I actually know the difference between the two then you must think I’m actually poor.