Hawks Tie Record For Best Start In NHL History But More Importantly Big Cat Got Himself A New Girlfriend
Eventful time at the UC last night. Hawks tie the NHL record for best start in history. Andrew Shaw continues his fantastic season. Hossa was a man absolutely possessed on his 2 goals and the Canucks, as the Canucks are oft to do, got behind and started taking cheap shots, complaining to the refs, and being the general scumbags that they are. It shouldn’t surprise me, because we’ve seen this a million times before but it still angers me to no end. Hopefully Hossa isn’t out for too long, but as we’ve all learned, there is no timetable for head injuries like that one.
More importantly though, your friend Big Cat got himself a new girlfriend. Yup, pretty big deal, and I know what you’re all thinking “Oh shit Big Cat, how do you do it, how do you get so many hot girlfriends, you’re like the coolest guy I know?”. Well guys, its simple really. Last night I saw Crystal doing the Shoot the Puck looking smoking hot. I sent out the Smoke Patrol (turns out she’s a former Playboy model and Chicago Native, and her mom was a playmate so you know she has good genes)
And then I decided, I’m going to date Crystal. And so now we’re dating. Simple as that. Its like Inception. Once the seed is planted you can’t get it out of your head. Crystal probably woke up this morning and was like wait, who was that slightly overweight, small handed blogger that said we are dating? Is that true? Am I dating him? If he says so it must be true. And if we’re dating that means we should probably 69 each other, because that’s what couples do they EXPLORE each other. See how easy that is? Crystal and Big Cat sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Just going to throw that little elementary school rhyme in there as well so now its in everyone’s head. Crystal, myself, and all the Stoolies will be singing that all day long. We just reached the 4th level of inception. Expect our marriage announcement shortly.
I think I have to dump Charisa Thompson. I love her. I really do. But she’s now dating Jay Williams. I mean you guys have seen my hands, tiny, so lets just say my body is pretty proportional. I can’t compete with Jay Williams. Even on the internet, my penis no longer fits in her vagina.