Chicago Tribune - A United Airlines flight from Los Angeles en route to London was diverted to O’Hare International Airport early today when an intoxicated passenger pushed other passengers and an airplane crew member, authorities said. Federal authorities declined to pursue charges against the woman, 34, from Redondo Beach, Calif., and because the flight was over Canada at the time of the incident, no local charges were brought against her. The woman was not allowed onto another United flight, and the flight was canceled after the incident.

Police responded early today after the flight was brought to a United gate at O’Hare, said Chicago Police News Affairs Officer Robert Perez. The woman, who apparently had been intoxicated, caused a disturbance on a flight, pushing other passengers and a member of the crew, Perez said. United Flight 934, which departed Los Angeles International Airport at 5:55 p.m. and was bound for London’s Healthrow Airport, was diverted at 1:21 a.m. Chicago time because of a security disturbance involving an unruly passenger, said United-Continental spokeswoman Christen David.

I honestly don’t understand flying anymore. It doesn’t make any fucking sense. Can’t even get to your terminal anymore without going through like the ET medical quarantine. Security check points, body scanners straight cancer blasting you, TSA agents sack tapping your dick, military bros walking around like Arnold with the Rail gun in Eraser. It’s a goddamn miracle anyone gets on their plane in the first place. But then once you’re up there it’s like a free for all. No order, no rule of law, nothing. The whole operation can be compromised by the smallest disruption. Like this boozy housewife who swallowed too many hydrocodone’s and slammed through 3 Chardonnay’s and started picking fights like Randy Marsh during the ’08 election. Like you’re seriously going to let that derail the whole flight? Just have someone on board choke slam her, put he to sleep and be done with it. Who gives a shit. Cause a little turbulence and be on your way. Airlines are such pussies nowadays.