Detroit - The owners of Red Smoke Barbeque restaurant in Detroit’s Greektown say a man stole their pig statue from the restaurant on Sunday. The man apparently paid his bill using a credit card and then picked up the ceramic statue and simply walked out. Witnesses say the man then went into an elevator with a woman who asked him what he was carrying. The man told the woman he was carrying a statue that he took from the restaurant. The woman asked if she could take a picture of him and the pig. The man agreed to the photo not knowing the woman was friends with an employee at the restaurant and the mystery of the stolen pig was born. Workers are hoping the man brings the pig back to the counter where he belongs. ”We are looking for a pig that’s about 2 feet high, I would say about 30 pounds. It’s got a little chef’s hat on it,” the owner said. They just want the pig back. ”Give the pig back to us. You know, no charges pressed. Just bring the pig back so he can hang out on the counter like he has been,” said Ladd.

Love the restaurant telling this guy through 3rd party sources “Give the pig back to us. No charges pressed. Just bring the pig back.” Like it’s a kid in a ransom movie or something. Yeah no shit there won’t be charges. There’s like 17 cops left in the entire Detroit police department. Pretty sure they got bigger fish to fry than bagging up the Red Smoke BBQ bandit.

But more important if this guy comes back to return this thing he’s a fool plain and simple. Like there’s not a doubt in my mind he’d get straight up decapitated, brought to a taxidermist and hung up above the liquor bar next to the flat screens if he shows his face there again. That’s really the only move when you get your pants pulled down to your ankles by someone like this. It’s one thing to steal something. It’s another thing entirely to parade around town posing for pictures with your loot and telling anyone who asks ”Yeah I literally just stole this from that restaurant right over there”. That’s a punch straight to your manhood. If Red Smoke ever wants respect again they gotta stuff this dude’s face like a 10 point buck and let everyone know you don’t fuck with their pig statues.