Chicago Sun Times - A man was shot in the groin multiple times early Tuesday while he stood in a parking lot outside a Riverdale neighborhood strip club on the South Side. The man was fired upon by an unidentified offender about 2:05 a.m. and “sustained multiple gunshot wounds to the groin area” as he stood outside The Factory strip club in the 12000 of South Doty, according to police News Affairs Officer Amina Greer. The venue is billed as “Chicago’s hottest party” on the club’s website. The man, who is in his 20s, was taken in critical condition to Advocate Christ Medical Center in Oaklawn, police said. No one else was injured, and police do not have anyone in custody.

Tough night for the South siders huh? First Detroit sucker punches them in the dick and crushes the Sox playoff hopes and then guys were literally getting shot right in the cock outside strip clubs trying to ease their pain with booze, floozy women and hand jobs. As the old saying goes, the only thing worse than having your team eliminated by some fat alcoholic from Venezuela is to turn around and get shrapnel in your scrotum and your dick blown straight off. Brutal.

Quick side note, what was this guy thinking going to the “hottest party” in town at 2 a.m.? Hey bro any place that calls itself the hottest party around that also happens to be a strip club is going to leave you dickless one way or another. Whether it be gunshot wounds or venereal diseases, that things getting put out of business. Can’t put your cock in harm’s way like that and expect anything different to happen.