NYDailyNews – A Mexican motorist was busted drunken driving after his pet parrot ratted him out to police. Guillermo Reyes, 49, was pulled over by traffic officers at a routine alcohol checkpoint in Mexico City last week. As he got out of his blue Chevy to be tested, cops heard a voice saying: “He’s drunk, he’s drunk.” At first, they thought someone else was inside the vehicle. But, on closer inspection, they were stunned to see it was Reyes’ beloved bird turned snitch. El Universal reports that Reyes was indeed found to be drunk and was subsequently arrested. Animal Surveillance Brigade officers were called to take the mouthy critter away. But they eventually allowed him to accompany his owner to prison after it was feared the bird would die if separated from his owner, reports El Universal. The duo was taken to El Torito, the capital city’s “hangover prison,” where anyone found driving with more than the legal 0.08 alcohol limit is taken to sober up and stay the night.
First of all, this parrot is a real dick. Nice loyalty to your owner, jerk. All he does is feed you and give you shelter and you turn around and drop a dime on his drunk ass the first chance you get. Some friend you are. I don’t even care if the bird had warrants or something. You don’t snitch on your boy like that. It’s despicable.
But what I’m really curious about is whether or not a bird’s confession is legal evidence. Like say for instance this guy murdered a bunch of Mexican strippers. And he’s a real perfectionist so there’s absolutely zero evidence of the crime. He lint rolls the glitter off his shirts, makes sure there are no Stiletto prints around his house, the whole nine. Just getting away with it scott free. And then randomly one day, his snitch parrot starts yelling to a cop about all the strippers his owner has killed. Does that testimony hold up in court? I mean on one hand it’s certainly a form of evidence, but on the other hand it’s coming from a pea-brained parrot. You can’t put a parrot under oath or hook it up to a lie detector. It’s a parrot. Although this did take place in Mexico, so now that I think about it I’m sure a parrot’s words are more than enough to lock somebody up.
Whatever the case, this is exactly why I’d never own a talking bird. I don’t need to be constantly worrying about what kind of incriminating shit is gonna come out of its beak next. Squack! Four times today! Four times today! Tube8! MILF and teen girl lesbian! Squack! Shut the fuck up parrot!