SourceIf you ever find yourself about to have sex in Dubai but you don’t have a condom, then you’re in luck; instead of risking disease and/or pregnancy or having to ruin the moment by running to the store, you can now have condoms delivered via a Durex app or their website. (Note: This will likely still ruin the moment, but at least you won’t have to go outside). And if, somehow, you’ve managed not to let your partner know you’re ordering a condom, don’t worry, Durex has you covered, so to speak. The condom delivery guy will disguise himself as a pizza delivery guy (or a tourist!) and will “slyly slip you the goods without your date noticing.”

 

First of all the fact that this is happening in Dubai would make skeptical as fuck that it’s a one-way ticket to a Middle Eastern gulag if you actually try to call this service. One second you’re just trying to get laid with some Jasmine and the next thing you know you’re going on year 8 living in a terror bunker in the hills of Tora Bora with a beard so long you look like muslim Santa Claus. No thanks.

And second, do these idiots know how short the window is to hook up with a chick you bring home? It’s like trying to snap a holiday photo with a wild animal. If you don’t push the shutter at just the right time the whole thing blows up in your face. You can’t call up a condom service like you’re ordering from fucking Domino’s with some chick crawling in your bed then sit around fiddling with your dick for an hour while Abu the delivery boy gets lost running through flea markets trying to find your hotel and shit. She’ll get pissed and leave and you’ll get blue balls and murder the kid. Just do what everyone else does, keep the lights off and lie about wearing one. Simple.