Chicagoist - A woman came home on Christmas to find a convicted sex offender sitting on her living room floor folding her laundry. He told police someone let him into the home and asked him to clean it. Paul Edge, 58, actually left a mess of 15 cigarette butts.

The Tribune writes: The woman said she and her fiancé both sensed something wrong when they saw a piece of her luggage outside the home. Her fiancé walked in first and they both spotted Edge. “He was going through my laundry and folding my sports bra,’’ she said. “He said he was here to do the dishes.’’ Edge faces charges of criminal trespass and of violating sex offender registration.

Hey bro you wanna break into my apartment and fold my laundry be my guest. Laundry fucking sucks. Not gonna get mad at that. But what’s the deal with burning down 15 Winston hundo’s and leaving your cigarette butts everywhere? Seriously that’s just fucking rude. Nothing worse than a presumptuous smoker. Take that shit outside and then you can come back inside and stick your nose in my girl’s sports bra’s all you want. Try on a couple, wear em as a wig, whatever. Just get your stank away from my furniture and mint condition baseball cards and we’re good.

PS – Paul Edge is a spot-on sex offender name. Kinda have to get into frisky shit with a name like that.