Source - Gretna police officers responding to reports of a naked man found their bare-bottomed suspect staggering down Huey P. Long Boulevard. But when they asked him to clothe himself, the man, instead, broke into song and began to masturbate, according to authorities. Gretna Assistant Police Chief Anthony Christiana said officers didn’t recognize the tune warbled by Osmar Hernandez, 33, of New Orleans. But it was quite clear his stripped-down performance was fueled by alcohol, police said.

Christiana said a resident called 911 on Friday about 9:30 p.m. and complained about a naked pedestrian who appeared to be masturbating. Officers found the man later identified as Hernandez in the 1500 block of Huey P. Long. He was nude from the waist down but was holding his shorts, the arrest report said. Officers asked Hernandez to put his shorts on. But Hernandez allegedly ignored the order and began to masturbate while singing, the arrest report said.

 

I don’t know why but for some reason I’m really pissed off this police officer couldn’t make out the song this guy was singing while he was jerking off naked in the middle of the street. I never would have thought twice about it until he pointed out that he tried to listen but couldn’t recognize the tune and now I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s infuriating. You know how people think about what song they want to play when they die? Everyone picks “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “A Day In The Life” or something generic. Well I can’t stop thinking about what song I would sing if I was a naked Mexican guy masturbating in the middle of the streets in New Orleans. Gun to my head I’m going “Jungle Love” by Morris Day and The Time. Total tour de force of a song to yank it to in public. Real powerful, lots of funk, everyone loves it so maybe it turns into something spontaneous and chicks off the street start blasting themselves and dancing alongside you. Then unload during the guitar solo and call it a day. Could really turn into a fun time.

PS – Big Cat instantly answered “Sister Christian” by Night Ranger. Different vibe but a real solid choice. Top 5 for sure.