Orlando, Florida (Source ) – Christopher Hunter, a 21-year-old Florida man was jailed Friday after he allegedly stabbed his boyfriend in the buttocks because his boyfriend wanted to break off their relationship. According to the Orange County Sheriff’s Office, Hunter had been in a relationship with the victim, Marcus Thomas, for several months when Thomas had decided that he was tired of the gay lifestyle and wanted out of the relationship. When Thomas tried to leave around 9:45 p.m., Hunter stood in front of the door with a knife and stated that the only way Thomas could leave was by going to jail.

When Thomas attempted to walk around Hunter, Hunter allegedly stabbed Thomas in the buttocks. When deputies arrived on the scene, Hunter reportedly stated that he stabbed Thomas in self defense after Thomas asked him for $10 to buy cocaine and was refused. Deputies didn’t buy that story partly due to Hunter’s taller, larger stature. Thomas’s stab wound also fit his own description of how events unfolded. Hunter was booked into the Orange County Jail and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. His bond was set at $2,500.

I remember back in 1992 when Three Ninjas came out I told my dad I wanted to be a ninja. So, being the good father that he was, he signed me up for Karate classes and bought me one of those stupid karate suits. At my first lesson I realized something. Karate fucking blows. It was all the nerds and spazs that couldn’t play little league. All we did was punch the air. No boards being broken. No knife skills. No throwing stars. Sucked. I was over it after the first hour, and on the ride home my dad said to me that if I wanted to quit that was fine, but that I would have to pay him back for the class in house chores. And I did. Probably took out the trash for the next 10 years straight paying back that debt. But you know what I learned? That in life there are consequences to your decisions. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that Marcus Thomas needs to realize there are consequences to his actions as well. If you want to decide one day, “hey I’m no longer into karate”, or “hey, I no longer feel like sticking my dick into gay buttholes”, that’s fine. That’s your choice. Just understand that with that choice comes a shit ton of chores or in this case a knife wound in your asshole. I knew my dad would be pissed that I wasted his money, just like you should’ve known that Christopher Hunter’s penis probably won’t suck itself, so deciding to walk away out of the blue wasn’t going to be met with candy and gumdrops.

PS - I was going to make a Seinfeld joke here but I’m taking a wild guess that a 21 year old gay black dude in Florida isn’t running around throwing out Seinfeld lines left and right. If you tell Chris Hunter to “turn his key maura” he’ll probably just assume you’re down for some tummy sticks.