Tribune - The tires were rolling out of Arlington Heights at an alarming rate — 59 of them over a period of weeks from one car dealership, authorities said. So police devised a plan to figure out who was stealing them from cars on display at Arlington Nissan on Dundee Avenue, authorities said. Investigators fit a spare tire on an SUV with a GPS tracking device. On the night of Jan. 24, the tire began moving from the lot at Arlington Nissan on Dundee Avenue, toward Chicago. Police followed the GPS signal, tracking a white pickup truck to a residence in the 5200 block of south Winchester Avenue. That’s where they found Terry Haygood and Abel Villareal-Garcia, and 1,200 tires stacked in the backyard, Levine said.

You know who this looks like? It looks like Ted Williams, that motherfuckin’ crack head with the golden voice:

Except this dude’s God given talent is apparently stealing tires because ganking 59 wheels from the same auto dealership over the course of a couple weeks is legit. Like I don’t even see how it’s possible to steal one tire from a car lot. That’s kind’ve a huge part of what car dealers do. Sell cars that in turn need tires to operate. That’s like walking into Nordstrom’s, screwing the legs off of all the mannequins and just walking out the door. Have to have brass balls of steel to look as haggard and decrepit as this stringy-haired gypsy bastard and pull that off. God works in mysterious ways I guess.