I honestly can’t tell if I’m the weird one or everyone else is? When you guys go grocery shopping do you actually use one of those carts or baskets? Like the one’s that only women and pussy whipped guys who have to take their children to the store with them use? I thought reasonable men don’t do that. Not even trying to be a hardo here, I honestly thought this was like an unwritten guy code type of thing. I’m not trying to dilly dally around the grocery store checking out different types of pita breads and almond butter. I go into the grocery store knowing EXACTLY what I want. In and out.

But bigger than that I honestly don’t use a shopping cart because in my head I always think I can carry an infinity amount of items. Is it always a disaster? Of course it is. Do I ever change my ways? Fuck no. Like last night, I had about 15 items in my arms/pockets and dropped my bag of chips 15 feet away from the check out line. I was then stuck kicking a bag of chips on the ground to the cashier while I juggled everything else because my equilibrium had been thrown off by the then missing chips. Everyone was giving me weird looks like I was some lunatic. Well fuck them. At least I wasn’t some poopdick rolling around a shopping cart. You want to waste your life in a grocery store pushing around a shopping cart like some robot fine? Sorry if I still like feeling the thrill of carrying 20 things at once. Sorry if balancing a cup of soup on top of a carton of eggs sends blood to my penis. Sorry if stuffing salsa into my pocket while I fill my sweatshirt with beef jerky makes me feel alive. But most importantly sorry I’m not sorry.

PS
I asked my buddy if he used a cart to make sure I wasn’t totally insane and he said he never does. He also said that he’s thought about putting shit on his head before using a cart. Now that’s fucking nuts. Not trying to be the Chiquita banana lady or the chick who’s only job is to fetch diarrhea water at the well for the entire village.

Double PS
I asked Feitelberg as well and he said he rides or die with the basket. That’s even crazier than my friend who wants to put shit on his head. How do you carry a basket without looking like this toad? Impossible. No thanks.

Triple PS

I will fully admit that carrying a liter or gallon of anything using my methods is very difficult. That’s why I haven’t bought liquids at the grocery store in like a decade.  Win some, lose some I guess.

UPDATE

Somehow because I once posted a Bangs video some of you think I’m black. I’m definitely not black, not that there’s anything wrong with that.