CHICAGO – The Chicago Cubs today named Scott Harris as the club’s new Director of Baseball Operations. Harris, 25, joins the Cubs after spending the last two years with Major League Baseball as the league’s Coordinator of Major League Operations.  With Major League Baseball, Harris provided transaction support and analysis to all clubs and helped manage procedural operations within the league office. Prior to joining Major League Baseball, Harris interned for the Cincinnati Reds (2010) and Washington Nationals (2008). A native of Redwood City, Calif., Harris is a 2009 graduate of UCLA and was attending Columbia Business School while working at Major League Baseball.

Well that really puts things into perspective now doesn’t it? Here I was telling everyone who wore cargo shorts that they are tools and the Cubs go and name a TWENTY FIVE year old Director of Baseball Operations. 25 and dealing with contracts and trades and basically getting a dream job. Unreal. We’re all tools in relation to Scott Harris, each and every one of us. I’m 27 and have done ZERO with my life. Absolutely nothing. But then again, at least I nailed that part about Unattractive Lesbians in my Cargo Shorts post and one time a model sent me a message on twitter, can Scott Harris say he’s done either of those things? Pffft, I didn’t think so.

Now excuse me while I go walk into oncoming traffic.