Source¬†- Jim Armstrong, a member of the Canadian Curling Hall of Fame and skip of Canada’s 2010 Paralympic gold medal team,¬†will be suspended for 18 months after failing a drug test in December. Armstrong’s drug of choice, and his excuse for taking it, warrant mention. He tested positive for tamoxifen, a prescription drug usually used to treat breast cancer, and that’s exactly what Armstrong says the pills were for‚ÄĒbut not his breast cancer, his dead wife’s. Carleen Armstrong passed away in 2009, and¬†Armstrong argued before the World Curling Federation that he had accidentally taken some of her old pills, which look similar to the aspirins he takes to prevent heart attacks. It’s plausible, but there’s another very good reason an athlete would be taking tamoxifen. As an estrogen blocker, it’s often used by PED users to counteract the wild hormone swings brought on by steroid use. An anti-”bitch tits” drug, if you will.¬†Manny Ramirez was tied to tamoxifen use back in 2009, before testing positive for a separate fertility drug with similar effects.

Glen Ikonen was suspended for two years after testing positive for the beta blocker metoprolol, which lowers heart rate and and such is a favorite of curlers, archers and shooters. Ikonen argued that he was taking the drug for his blood pressure, to no avail.

 

Seriously could PED users in other sports be bigger pussies? Oh Lance Armstrong had a¬†sophisticated¬†blood doping regimen that he followed and kept under the radar to win some bike races in Europe. Barry Bonds rubbed some cream on his ass and hit 600 foot home runs. Big whoop. Meanwhile Canadian Curling hall of famer Jim Armstrong just gobbled his deceased wife’s breast cancer pills to counter-act all the estrogen flowing through his body because he was shooting up fertility drugs. Now that’s a fucking boss move. That’s how you cheat at sports. Forget stealing signs or doing a little HGH. Get me some un-prescribed breast cancer medication and a metoprolol beta blocker that’ll lower my heart rate or GTFO. I didn’t waltz wheel into this arena for 2nd place.

Gotta love how the sport at the center of this is fucking curling. I didn’t even know it was possible to cheat at curling outside of picking chicks on your team to do the sweeping.