craigslist

 

 

Hi there. I offering a comfortable sofa bed to someone looking to get on their feet or move to Chicago. What I am wanting in exchange is for a guy to provide therapeutic massage via just kicking off your shoes and socks and walking on my back. Yes, I am totally serious. I ask that you be under 180 lbss and size 10 feet or bigger. Non Flat footed. I am a bi male, but not the kind that wants to make you uncomfortable or cross lines. I have done this before and it was a cool experience.

About the place. It is fully furnished, clean with large one bedroom. 2 hd tvs, ps3, back porch and convenient to Loyola stop and 3 bus lines. Oh and a metra station. I am 33 years old and seeking someone younger, but older is ok. Please respond by telling something about yourself that would make you the best candidate. A pic would get prioritized or a facebook link.  I hope to hear from you soon.

 

 

 

 

My emails in bold, his in italics.

 

 

Saw your ad on Craigslist. Currently 225 lbs but I’m on a diet so it’s a light 225, does that matter?

 

 

________________________________________________________________

 

When you get below 180..let me know.

 

 

 

________________________________________________________________

 

Is 180 at all flexible? What about 190? If we’re being honest with each other here your weight discrimination is pretty hurtful. Do you have back acne? Dandruff? Long fingernails? Well even if you did I wouldn’t say anything about it because my mother raised me correctly and told me to never judge a book by it’s cover. Just saying.

 

________________________________________________________________

 

sorry, but i am not an E.O.E…I am glad your mom raised you to not discriminate, however I am offering a free living situation so I have requirements and if the requirements aren’t met then then there is nothing in it for me.  I am asking a guy to walk on my back barefooted.  180 is the max i can handle.  So, 180.5 is too much.

________________________________________________________________

 

Just had to google EOE, subtle cocky move to throw that in there and try to assert your mental dominance. Good thing I saw right through it. 

 
 

 Listen, either you want a back massage or not, I can walk lightly on my feet. Ever have to sneak around? That’s not all 225. If I stand on my tip toes I’m 175 max. When I stand on my scale and lean on the wall I can make myself 110 pounds. Don’t put me into a fat box, I don’t deserve that.

 
 
PS
Maybe you should learn how to be a better boss and some people will learn how to lose weight. Positive reinforcement works too you know.

________________________________________________________________

 

 

Thank you for your interest. goodluck in your search.
________________________________________________________________

Good Luck is two words by the way. 

 
 
Also, here’s some Aloe lotion, for the burn I just gave you.
300
________________________________________________________________
Thanks, but not interested. goodluck
________________________________________________________________
Thanks, but not interested. good luck
________________________________________________________________
..
Thanks, but not interested. goodluck
..
________________________________________________________________
Thanks, but not interested. good luck, no backsies
________________________________________________________________
Thanks, but not interested. goodluck
________________________________________________________________
I clearly said no backsies, I know you can read, now you’re the asshole.
________________________________________________________________
Thanks, but not interested. goodluck
________________________________________________________________
Your disrespect for no backsies is really starting to piss me off. Are you an anarchist? We live in a society man, there are rules.
________________________________________________________________
Thanks, but not interested. goodluck
..
________________________________________________________________
..
Reply to this if you’re a fart licker
________________________________________________________________
..
Thanks, but not interested. goodluck
________________________________________________________________
K cool, Fart Licker
Did I gain a small moral victory for fat people worldwide at the end there? I’d like to think so. We have rights and feelings too bro, you’re just a fart licker.