Chicago Sun Times - Gatorade, vitamin drinks and even whole milk would be barred from sale in Chicago Public Schools during school hours under a new “Healthy Snack and Beverage” policy up for a school board vote this week. A “wellness team’’ in each school would establish ways to hold “healthy” fund-raisers and offer “healthy celebrations and rewards” that comply with “applicable federal regulations” and meet the very specific caloric, fat and sodium guidelines outlined in the policy. “It’s true our kids’ eating patterns overall need some work,’’ said Wendy Katten, co-founder of the parent group Raise Your Hands. “But if teachers hand out Halloween treats, are they in trouble?”

I know everybody hates hearing about administrators doing shit like this. And I get why. It sucks to feel like people are telling you what to drink or trying to take away something you enjoy. That makes sense. I hate people who try to tell me what to do as much as the next guy.

But you know what I hate even more than that? Fat kids. I fucking hate fat kids. The way Hitler hated jews or the way Minnesota hates black people is the same way I hate fat kids. They’re the most useless pieces of shit walking the planet right now. Every single one of them. And there’s nothing you can do about them because they’re kids still. They’re protected by laws and other stupid shit. They have parents who have first dibs on hitting them or verbally shaming them. Which I pray to god they do because the fat ones in youth always grow up and turn into asshole in adulthood without fail. Just undoubtedly the worst people on the planet. I go to sleep and have nightmares about them trying to exercise or talk to me and I wake and vomit all over the place.

So if schools want to cut out sugary drinks and fight this head on then fine. I’m all for it. It’s kind of like a more acceptable form of ethnic cleansing. Just bit by bit thinking up new ways to rid ourselves of the awful people in society nobody likes. Love it.