CHICAGO— Chicago police discovered two football fields worth of marijuana plants on the south side Tuesday, one of the city’s biggest marijuana finds of all time. Around noon Tuesday, a police chopper heading back to base near Lake Calumet and the Bishop Ford eyeballed a field and called it in. Police on foot and by air walked 200 feet into wetlands to discover a thousand plus healthy pot plants growing.   Narcotics detectives found raccoons, rats, pot plants even a makeshift camp but no criminals.

Police are on the scene protecting their find until evidence technicians can photograph the area and inventory the marijuana, which by early estimates looks like a thousand plants in all. Police are even amazed at the audacity of the criminals behind the gargantuan cannabis grow.

Hope no one was planning on getting high off some shitty southside schwag this weekend.

What I don’t get is how the police don’t arrest 1 person? How is that possible. 300 yards of marijuana and not one arrest? Like you couldn’t just go grab a bum off the street and call him the weed king of Chicago? Or just say Sam Hurd did it? Pretty sure he has some connection to every drug grown in America. Or at least maybe sit in your car and wait for the people behind this to show up and start picking their weed plants? Its not like they had a sophisticated operation. They literally walked in a few hundred yards off Stony Island, planted a million  marijuana plants and told a bunch of raccoons to keep a lookout. That’s like the lowest barrier to entry for a marijuana operation in the history of marijuana operations. There was no audacity. They just said, we’ll plant some weed close to Harborside where its all white people who wouldn’t know what a pot plant looks like and hope when we come back in 3 months the cops haven’t confiscated it. Mind Bottling.

Whats up with Julie Unruh reading me the news off a $1.99 notepad? Clean that shit up Julie. I’m not just a number. Fucking amateur hour.