ESPN Chicago - The Minnesota Vikings‘ season will be on the line Sunday against the Chicago Bears. As such, linebacker Chad Greenway has asked fans to get “super-duper drunk” in order to boost the Vikings’ home-field advantage at the Metrodome. ”We have to play accordingly and our fans have to show up accordingly, which we know they will. Hopefully, they’re super-duper drunk. … So drink liquor, not beer,” he said after Minnesota’s loss to Green Bay last Sunday, according to the Star Tribune. The game is scheduled to start at noon local time. As such, Greenway advocated that fans start their drinking early. ”Yeah, I would say morning drinking,” Greenway said, according to the newspaper. “Why not? You could pull an all-nighter. Then you’d have the drunk, tired guys who will really be obnoxious.”

Maybe I’m just naive but is there anything else to do in Minnesota but drink yourself into a fucking coma? Like when I think of Vikings fans the first thought that pops in my head is someone trying to leave their house in the morning, not being able to get outside because they got snowed in and then spending the next 12 hours getting cozy with a bottle of Golden Grain jacking off to Joe Mauer posters, the movie Fargo and Randy Moss highlights from 1998. And just rinse, washing and repeating that cycle like 300 days a year. You basically live in Alaska dude. There isn’t much else going on outside of racing you buddies to see who get cirrhosis of the liver and dies first.

PS – As a side note you can tell Chad Greenway’s never had a drink in his life. “Pull an all-nighter… Then you’d have the drunk, tired guys who will really be obnoxious” OR you’ll have half a stadium full of fans because the parking lot will be full of guys who’re fucking dead. Ever heard of the rally nap bro? Basically resets you to start all over again. You’re playing rookie ball Greenway.