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Let me start by saying that the trade deadline should not be the most exciting part of the baseball season. At best, it should be an opportunity to solidify your chances at a playoff run. At worst, a chance to acquire Carlos Marmol.  But never, under no set of circumstances, should it be the most exciting part of the season.
Unfortunately, the current state of the Cubs has left us no choice but to embrace the trade deadline as our championship. To behold the opportunity to sell off our stock of short term veteran free agents for a stable of players to be named later and cash considerations. Not exactly riveting shit.
To be honest though, it is what it is and nothing is going to change that overnight. We made the bed, and now we’re sleeping in that son of a bitch. You don’t like it? Then let me be the first to tell you that there’s an empty stadium 35 blocks south of Madison that would love to have your business this time of year. In fact, I think barbwire tattoo night is just around the corner so if you’re thinking about jumping ship, now’s as good a time as ever. Any takers? No? Okay then let’s get down to business and recap yesterday’s trades.

FELDMAN

Who we gave up:

MLB: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers

Scott Fedlman - Big Jewish guy who caved in the back end of his rookie contract with the Rangers, only to find himself shit out of luck this off season. Feldman signed a one year deal with the Cubs to restart his career, and he did just that. He’s pitched well above his long term value as the Cubs’ #3 but will likely settle into the back end of the Orioles rotation. He eats innings, keeps games within reach, and has enough experience to trust down the stretch. While he’s certainly not the type to completely shut down a lineup, he’s also not the type to labor through 5 innings.

Steve Clevenger - Donnnnnnnnntttttttt Carrrrreee

Who we got:

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Jake Arrieta - 6’4 225lb. 27 year old right handed pitcher that’s spent the better part of 4 years throwing batting practice in the AL East. He features a low to mid 90’s heater that he occassionally sinks or cuts depending on righty/left, as well as a 12-6 curve, slider, and change-up. If after reading that last sentence you just thought “that’s way too many fucking pitches” then guess what? You’re absolutely right. The closest comparison to his game right now is Rick Vaughn circa Major League 2. He nibbles with a fastball he doesn’t trust then relies on the breaking stuff to get him back in the count and put the hitter away. Here’s the good part though… everything that needs fixing can be fixed. We’re not talking about some 5 year project where maybe he gets a cup coffee in September 2018 if things go just right. We’re talking about a guy with easy gas and a feel for multiple pitches. The Cardinals have won 2 World Series Championships on the backs of under valued pitchers with the exact same skill set. The big challenge for the Cubs is getting him to that next level. So far the coaching staff has done a remarkable job in that respect with Shark and Wood. Let’s hope Arrieta can grow a pair and join them.

Pedro Strop - not going to lie to you guys… I’ve never watched him pitch let alone heard of him until this trade. Numbers suggest he’s an erratic Dominican. Speaking of which…..

MARMOL

Who we gave up:

Carlos Marmol - Thank fucking God.

Who We Got:

Someone not named Carlos Marmol - Can we please get on with our lives now?