Mirror - A woman is being sued by her husband for allegedly trying to kill him by putting poison in her genitals and then asking him to perform oral sex. The Brazilian wife is accused of planting a toxic substance on her genitals before luring her husband to bed. Reports in the South American country suggest he was ready and willing, and only escaped death because he noticed a strange smell. The curious husband then took his wife to hospital in Sao Jose do Rito Preto to find out the cause of the unusual odour. The alleged attempt on his life was exposed when tests on his wife discovered traces of a poisonous substance down below.

 

Serious question, is this the most typical chick move of all-time? I originally would have gone with the girl who failed her driving test and then immediately tried to run over her driving instructor and failed at that too from Friday but I think this takes the cake. Poisoning your pussy to get back at your husband for something he probably doesn’t even know he did is just the cruelest form of punishment. So typical. Like imagine if the roles were reversed. You know how many things I’d forget about and never bring up again if my girl offered to blow me to make up for it? Literally everything. I don’t care if my girl murdered somebody in cold blood and had me chainsaw and dump the body in the middle of the lake. Blowjob and it’s instantly erased from my memory. Whatever, don’t care that I’m an accessory to Murder 1, lets just get home and watch Taken 2 on demand before it expires. In no situation ever would I poison my dick game for revenge. I mean show some gratitude babe. Most girls would actually kill to switch places with you and have a guy jump at the muff like that and you’re trying to murder the dude. Unbelievable.

PS – The beauty of this whole thing is the guy saying he smelt an “unusual odor” and stopped. If you don’t think every guy on the planet is using that excuse from now until eternity you’re out of your mind. Sorry babe I’d love to even out the blowjob/cunnilingus ratio we got going on here but I just can’t risk it. Smells fishy down there.