Hot Galleries

White Sox Offseason Podcast

  Real quick, I hopped in for a podcast with the crew at Grab Some Bench to discuss all of the White Sox off season moves.  If you’re a true, diehard Sox fan, they provide some of the best coverage on the internet of the team from both an analytic perspective, and from the perspective [...]

 

Real quick, I hopped in for a podcast with the crew at Grab Some Bench to discuss all of the White Sox off season moves.  If you’re a true, diehard Sox fan, they provide some of the best coverage on the internet of the team from both an analytic perspective, and from the perspective of diehard fans themselves.

You guys will never believe this, but we are absolutely ecstatic about each and every move the Sox have made so for this year.  Quite frankly there’s nothing to dislike.  If you’re into the whole moneyball thing, it’s an exciting time to speculate just how many wins Hahn bought this offseason.  Think about it:

1. Subtract Dunn, Add Laroche

2. Subtract Downs, Snodgress, Belisario, Add Duke, Jennings, Robertson, and eventually Rodon (maybe) and Nate Jones

3. Subtract Carrol/ Rienzo, Add Samardzija and again, maybe Rodon

4.  Subtract Viciedo, add Cabrera

5. *wild card* – Carlos Rodon.  At this point we have no idea how he’s gonna be used.  Obviously the Sox aren’t gonna go with 4 LHP in their starting rotation off the bat.  Rodon could absolutely make this bullpen one of the best in baseball.  But he could also make the starting rotation one of the top 2-3 in baseball as well.  Good problem to have, I guess.

I go into this a little bit in the podcast, but I’m all about TWTW and don’t really give a shit about advanced metrics.  With that said, if my calculations are correct, Hahn purchased about ~30 wins for 50 million dollars this off season, and the Sox are well on their way to a 100 win season in 2015.

Picture 4

Joking aside, the lineup, rotation, and bullpen is undoubtedly, 100% built to make a legitimate playoff run.  The AL Central, sans the Twins (who have a LOADED farm system), has quickly become the deepest division in the AL, if not all of baseball.  Whoever wins the division will truly have earned it.  With that said, this year is absolutely massive for Robin Ventura.  He was told he wasn’t expected to be Tony Larussa and win immediately, but now his bosses have handed him the keys to a Ferrari, so if he fucks it up you can kiss him good-bye after this year.  *This is the part where I admit how jealous I am that the Cubs tampered with/stole Joe Maddon from the Rays*

So give it a listen, give me your feedback, and, of course, go White Sox

By whitesoxdave posted December 23rd, 2014 at 3:20 PM

Good News, New Baby Dolphin Born At Brookfield Zoo Last Week, Bad News, It Already Died

BROOKFIELD, Ill. (Sun-Times Media Wire) – Brookfield Zoo officials are in mourning in the wake of the death of a 7-day-old dolphin calf Friday evening. Weighing in at about 40 pounds and measuring 3.5 feet long, the male calf was born about 1:15 p.m. Dec. 12 to first-time mother Allison, a 9-year-old bottlenose, according to [...]

Screen Shot 2014-12-22 at 9.13.17 PM

Screen Shot 2014-12-22 at 9.17.15 PM

BROOKFIELD, Ill. (Sun-Times Media Wire) – Brookfield Zoo officials are in mourning in the wake of the death of a 7-day-old dolphin calf Friday evening. Weighing in at about 40 pounds and measuring 3.5 feet long, the male calf was born about 1:15 p.m. Dec. 12 to first-time mother Allison, a 9-year-old bottlenose, according to a statement from the Chicago Zoological Society, which manages Brookfield. Zoo officials referred to Allison as an inexperienced mother and monitored her and her son around the clock, observing the frequency and duration of nursing and the amount of time that the pair spent swimming closely to each other ­— something officials say is “critical” for the newborn to conserve energy. After a couple of days, zoo officials report the mother and calf began showing “concerning behavioral changes in their swimming patterns.” On Friday, zoo officials intervened in an effort to provide supportive treatment for the calf, which was having increased problems.Despite the intervention, the calf died late Friday evening, zoo officials said. An animal autopsy has been scheduled to determine if there were other contributing factors. “It is always a difficult decision, and one never taken lightly, whether or not to intervene when a calf appears to have challenges. One of our goals in animal care is to allow an inexperienced mother the chance to gain maternal experience, which is learned,” Bill Zeigler, senior vice president of collections and animal care for the Society, said in a statement. “The marine mammal and veterinary team did everything possible to save the calf and is extremely saddened by the loss.” Chicago Zoological Society staff say they are mourning the death, but are now focused on the care and well-being of the dolphin group that includes five adult females, two male 1-year-old calves and a female calf born Dec. 16.
..
..
Stay calm Big Cat, stay calm, breathe, breathe. ok.
..
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING AT THE BROOKFIELD ZOO, WHY ARE ALL OF OUR BABY DOLPHINS DYING?!?!?!
Seriously, I need answers. I feel like a baby dolphin dies every other week at the Brookfield Zoo (it’s been one a year but a baby dolphin death is the ultimate tragedy so you get why my concept of time is off). How hard is it to keep a dolphin alive? They can’t drown, they’re a fish. Yeah yeah yeah, the science hardos will say they’re mammals but come the fuck on, they’re fish, they swim and live underwater so they’re fish. So what’s the deal? Why can’t these baby dolphins stay alive? Do I need to be a vet at the Brookfield Zoo? I honestly think I could keep a baby dolphin alive for 2 weeks minimum. Just hug him 24/7 and make sure he goes up for air when he needs it. Is that plan that hard? Figure it the fuck out Brookfield Zoo, this shit has gone too far.
By Big Cat posted December 23rd, 2014 at 2:40 PM

Instagram Heat Check Of The Day

anyuta_rai

anyuta_rai

10864959_323609481165841_397916101_n

10864983_1511489789103878_1584971350_n
Read the rest of this entry »

By t bone posted December 23rd, 2014 at 2:00 PM

Larry Flynt Is Producing A Porn Parody Of The Interview Because That’s What Real Americans Do

  (Porn) Nothing screams freedom of speech like a good ol’ American parody porn film. Hustler boss Larry Flynt announced that he’s producing a parody version of ‘The Interview’ as a response to the film being pulled from theaters amid threats by hackers linked to North Korea. Sony’s move was criticized by President Barack Obama, [...]

Screen Shot 2014-12-23 at 1.07.06 PM

 

(Porn) Nothing screams freedom of speech like a good ol’ American parody porn film. Hustler boss Larry Flynt announced that he’s producing a parody version of ‘The Interview’ as a response to the film being pulled from theaters amid threats by hackers linked to North Korea.

Sony’s move was criticized by President Barack Obama, as well as Hollywood A-listers like George Clooney and Sean Penn. But Hustler Video is not backing down. The parody, which is titled “This Ain’t The Interview XXX,” will be released first quarter of 2015. In “The Interview,” Seth Rogen and James Franco travel to North Korea in a plot to kill leader Kim Jong-un with an exploding tank shell that blows off the dictator’s face. What raunchy surprises will the Hustler treatment of the film have in store? “If Kim Jong-un and his henchmen were upset before, wait till they see the movie we’re going to make,” Hustler founder and chairman Larry Flynt said, according to AVN. “I’ve spent a lifetime fighting for the First Amendment, and no foreign dictator is going to take away my right to free speech.”

 

 

 

See, this is what North Korea doesn’t understand (assuming the bullshit lie that North Korea actually hacked us). America is a country that never gives up. We’re a country that will always get up from the mat. We’re a country, that when you threaten us, when you push us to the limit, we don’t back down. And this right here, this is the perfect embodiment of that spirit. Not only did we make a movie making fun of North Korea but now we’re making a porno version too. Probably give Kim Jong Un a tiny cock, not because he’s Asian, but because he’s an asshole (also the Asian thing). Because in America, you don’t escape without having this all circle back to porn and dudes beating off. That’s why we’re the country of champions, because we have priorities that no other country in history has ever had. When the going gets tough, Americans film people having sex so that other people can masturbate. I think George Washington said that.

 

End of speech, hit the music!

 


 

By Big Cat posted December 23rd, 2014 at 1:20 PM

Barstool Hockey Round Up

Metaphor for the Hockey Roundup in general lately   I’ve been saying this a lot lately on twitter, but I like the shootout. I feel like killing the shootout is one of those causes that the fake hockey purest twitter eggs have been championing. Well not on my watch. Shootouts are fun. They played 65 [...]

Metaphor for the Hockey Roundup in general lately

 

I’ve been saying this a lot lately on twitter, but I like the shootout. I feel like killing the shootout is one of those causes that the fake hockey purest twitter eggs have been championing. Well not on my watch. Shootouts are fun. They played 65 minutes of hockey. They are both already getting one point. People calling for 3 on 3 as better way to end a game can shut up. Shinny hockey isn’t  much, if at all, better than a shootout and I’m not trying to stay up past 1030. Shootouts are fine for the regular season. Stop hating fun. So with that said here’s some shootout highlights

Barkov somehow lifts a backhand shot with one hand on his stick. I’ve watched it a dozen times and still think its like computer animation. Maybe Milmore did it.

Luongo with a filthy save against Kunitz. Luongo is now 12th all-time in wins. Probably would be higher if he didn’t have to face the Hawks so many times.

Matt Duchene pump fakes Mrazek into an early grave

Bonus WJC shootout goal. Nylander vs Canada

 

Lots of people have been tweeting me and asking for World Junior coverage on Barstool. I plan on being a slug over Christmas break, and I’m not sure what the blog schedule will be, but I will try to put a little something together for the USA-Canada game on New Years Eve. Here is the full schedule of games on NHL Network

WJC Schedule

And here’s a little something to get your blood pumping for USA Hockey

 

Transitioning smoothly from USA to a Russian. Everyone knows that I hate Russians and Ovechkin specifically, but my god he is special. One of the goals of the year

Kyle Turris dangled everyone. Goal of the week runner-up

 

Stoolie Tim Schaller got his first NHL goal

 

Save of the week goes to Jonathan Quick. Whatever.

 

I really wish the Jets weren’t in the Hawks division because I sneaky love them. Great fans, Dusty Buff bullying everyone, Andrew Ladd, YCMB, what’s not to love?

 

Power Rankings

1) Chicago 2) Anaheim 3) Pittsburgh 4) Montreal 5) Tampa Bay 6) Islanders

 

That’s all I’ve got for this week. Kinda struggling



Give the podcast a listen if you’re stuck in your cube today

5 minute major logo

 

 

By theChief posted December 23rd, 2014 at 12:40 PM

Breaking News – The Interview To Be Offered In Theaters On Christmas Day And Available Through Streaming Services

      Oh that’s weird, so you mean to tell me that the most talked about movie OF ALL TIME is now being offered both in theaters and through streaming services? Hmmmm, never saw that one coming. Oh wait, yes I did. The greatest trick Hollywood ever pulled was making the world think North [...]

Screen Shot 2014-12-23 at 11.24.15 AM

 

 

 

Oh that’s weird, so you mean to tell me that the most talked about movie OF ALL TIME is now being offered both in theaters and through streaming services? Hmmmm, never saw that one coming. Oh wait, yes I did. The greatest trick Hollywood ever pulled was making the world think North Korea hacked our lives. Highest grossing film of all time or highest grossing film of all time? Everyone was involved, talking Obama all the way down. Hollywood’s marketing strategy just got flipped on it’s head. Brilliant.

By Big Cat posted December 23rd, 2014 at 11:27 AM

Let Me Explain to You Why the Atlanta Falcons Are Actually Undefeated And You Just Don’t Know It

I’ve been seeing a trend in the national media where everyone is being completely biased and dumb. I’m hearing all this idiotic scuttlebutt from the interwebs and ESPN. Phrases like, “The NFC South is turrible.” And “We should restructure the playoff system to prevent teams with losing records from getting in!” And. ”Look at the 9-6 [...]

I’ve been seeing a trend in the national media where everyone is being completely biased and dumb. I’m hearing all this idiotic scuttlebutt from the interwebs and ESPN. Phrases like, “The NFC South is turrible.” And “We should restructure the playoff system to prevent teams with losing records from getting in!” And. ”Look at the 9-6 Eagles! They aren’t making the postseason and now all their fans have is the Sixers!” And. ”Remember how the Falcons had that dog murderer guy? Now this! Pfffffft”

Dumb… Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. It’s all malarkey and let me explain why. Because despite a 6-9, official (read: meaningless if you have a brain) record, the Falcons should be undefeated. Here’s why every single stupid loss that Roger Goodell recorded in his My Little Pony notebook is R.O.N.G. wrong

Loss  Illusion of Atlanta not winning in Cincinatti (Week 2)

Explanation: Ginger Wizardry. Andy Dalton sprouts another red hair every time he casts an illusion that he’s a good QB. COUNT THE HAIRS, PEOPLE. Looks like an after photo from a Rogaine commercial exclusively for the soulless. Can’t trust that scoreboard.

Result: 24-10, kitty cats. But Falcons will only have an L until Andy Dalton runs out of Mana and the score goes back to the way it should be. Can’t be long now after that game last night

 

Loss  Unfortunate experience involving the Vikings (Week 4)

Does anybody else think Bridgewater is weird name? Why aren’t there any Tunnelmountain’s running around?

Explanation: So errrybody gets to protest in the NFL except the Falcons? Not sure if you noticed but the TE, Levine Toilolo, got SWITCHED to right tackle in the 4th quarter of this game. Only stronger statement that could have been made is if they made Matt Ryan play left guard. All of the official reports claim the O-line was decimated but I’m pretty sure they were making a statement about that guy who was beating children All Day with foliage.

Result: 41-28 guys who pillaged and raped up and down the coastline of Scandinavia for 100′s of years… I guess that’s a Falcons L on the books but it’s a W for every kid who’s been beaten by shrubbery. And that’s what really counts

 

Loss  Less than positive scenario involving the “New York” Giants (Week 5)

Explanation: ODB found a material that is basically just the mathematical equation that dictates the physics of friction and put it on his gloves. I’d call that cheating, no? Used to be you had to spread steck em on your paws and look like you jacked off an elephant. Now they just call it accessorizing with the less handsome Beckham. CHEATER.

Result: 30-20 Blue team from New Jersey that pretends they’re from NY just like every other loser from New Jersey. But really that’s a DQ for blatant cheating. I see you O’Dell (you Irish, bro?). I see you.

 

Loss  Faaaabulous Sunday in the Georgia Dome with the Bears (Week 6)

Explanation: The Falcons underwent gender reassignment surgery that week to support LGBT rights. I watched the game. I saw the passes. I saw the lack of pressure on Cutler. The Falcons were girls. Limp wristed, full breasted ladies out on the field. Rashede Hageman was wearing Lululemons under his pads. Mike Tice gave birth on the sideline for Christ’s sake. But it was for a good cause. A pride parade marched through downtown Atlanta that day and the team would be damned if they didn’t give their hearts, minds, and testicles to the cause. It’s called being progressive fellas. Look it up.

Result: 27-13 to the animals that got attracted by all the menstruation. But you can’t hit girls that hard unless you’re from Baltimore so Bears lose.

 

Loss  Joe Flacco isn’t elite (Week 7)

Explanation: Joe Flacco isn’t elite

Result: 29-7 Joe Flacco isn’t elite

 

Loss  The Falcons couldn’t have possibly lost that game to the Lions in the Duchess of Cambridge’s backyard (Week 8)

Sorry Kate

Explanation: Real talk for a second… This was a shitty day. I woke up at 9 AM to watch this game (thanks Rog) and was still pretty drunk. Kinda one of those days where you realize you’re still buzzed but are like, “Shit, I might not pass a breathalyzer right now, but I’m not night time drunk so I’m heading in to the office”. Then you sit in your cube and feel fine for the first couple hours, but by lunchtime your hangover starts setting in and you want to die. Well that feeling started for me around halftime during this game and it was too early to make a beer run still. Watching a 21 point Falcon’s lead evaporate as a conga line trotted through my skull was incredibly painful. But being the mental pretzel twisting master that I am, I amplified the ringing in my head and rang that game right out of existence.

Result:

Help me out, J

Whitest guys ever dap!!!

Sorry you guys all had to play 16 games this year. Falcons only played 15. We didn’t even go to London, idiots.

Falcons are eating tapas while everybody else is playing checkers

 

Loss  Cleveland accidentally not being Cleveland (Week 12)

Explanation: Merril Hoge fucked this one up big time. Cleveland’s most Cleveland team involves Johnny FUCKING Football and Hoge is out there saying he’s a 6th round talent. The Cleveland front office doesn’t understand things. Not letters. Not numbers. Not square peg goes in the square hole. So they certainly don’t understand football. And that makes them impressionable. You can’t put a voice of reason like Hoge’s into the mix and ruin a perfectly Cleveland team. Ain’t allowed. I’d like the Falcons to have a coach who understood that time progresses linearly at the end of games. Or a defense inside the top 30 in the NFL. But that’s not allowed to happen. And if that can’t happen, then the Browns certainly don’t get a whole extra talent scout in Hoge to convince them not to play JFF until so late in the season.

Result: 26-24 Dirt Colors. But between Hoge, Lebron, and the vaporizer in Josh Gordon’s locker they had three ineligible personnel on their squad. So no dice

 

Loss Spider 2 Y Banana Bite on Monday Night Football with the Packers (Week 14)

Explanation: Jon Gruden got a hold of the Atlanta playbook and changed all the play names to the stupid ones he uses on MNF. So Matt Ryan was calling for a Zebra Monkey Slant and Julio Jones was wondering if that’s racist or not rather than running the route tree that was discussed all week during practice. And it was all so Gruden could make out with Aaron Rodgers the whole game. Yuck.


Result: 43-37 Fermented Cow Fluid Heads. But Gruden’ s trickery was worth at least 7 points to Green Bay so I think we all know how that game would have shook out any other night. And we ARE talking about playoffs now. And those aren’t on Mondays

 

Loss We don’t care about the Steelers because all we have to do is beat the bad Saints next week and the bad Panthers after that and we’re in with home field (Week 15)

Explanation: The Falcons didn’t even game plan for the Steelers. Didn’t do it. Who cares? Do you think W’s outside the NFC South matter to anyone inside the NFC South during the regular season? Ha. Nope. The Falcons probably went bowling and ski balling and pussy crushing the whole week before that Steelers game. Still held it to within a TD too. Sorry for being awesome at football but not really sorry

Result: 27-20 Stealers. Stealers never win unless they’re part of Danny Ocean’s crew so the Falcons obviously couldn’t lose. Homophones will get you every time

 

Oh snap, crackle, pop. Did I just blow your mind? Hey where did all those L’s go? We’re running out of W’s now. Gonna have to dip into the M’s and flip them upside down. Pick your jaw up off the floor because the Falcons are busy sweeping their way to a perfect season and your big dumb mouth is in the way. #RiseUp

By sobol posted December 23rd, 2014 at 11:00 AM

This Guy’s Girlfriend Got Him A PS4 For Christmas And He’s WAY Too Excited About It

YouTube – My boyfriend has been patiently saving his money to buy himself a ps4, but has had to use that money for other things. I finally bought him one and couldn’t wait to give it to him.       I’m sure there’s all sorts of thoughtful logic here like this dude wanted a [...]

YouTube – My boyfriend has been patiently saving his money to buy himself a ps4, but has had to use that money for other things. I finally bought him one and couldn’t wait to give it to him.

 

 

 

I’m sure there’s all sorts of thoughtful logic here like this dude wanted a Playstation when he was a kid but his dad was an alcoholic and spent the money for it on a vat of Franzia or something. And I get it, we all value things for different reasons and it’s genuinely nice that his girlfriend was so sweet and he appreciates it so much. But come on dude you’re a grown ass man, act like you’ve got some dignity when getting a gift that a 10-year-old kid would have the same reaction to. When a man gets a gift, he says “Thank you,” tips his cap, and offers a firm handshake in return. Crying and hugging the box like this guy is just so unbecoming, especially for a man with the masculine hair of a 1970s Samoan WWF wrestler.

 

Anyway congrats on your loving and fulfilling relationship bro, next time get an Xbox One like an adult. We buying a video game system to play things with the best graphics and functionality or to yell repeatedly at a device “Xbox Watch ESPN” only to wonder how it ended up on Bravo for the fiftieth time today? Act like you’ve ever wanted to live in Minority Report for me.

By chris spags posted December 23rd, 2014 at 10:20 AM
© 2015 Barstool Sports | Disclaimer | Copyright | Privacy Policy | Media Kit