You're not fooling anybody, Santa Claus
Telegraph – A Frenchman has developed a range of pills aimed at making people’s flatulence smell sweeter – of chocolate or of roses – which he says will make the perfect Christmas present. The 65-year-old artist and inventor says his pills are aimed at easing indigestion and are made of 100 percent natural ingredients such as fennel, seaweed and blueberries. The pills are sold on the internet under the Lutin Malin (Crafty Imp) website pilulepet.com and have been approved by health authorities, according to Christian Poincheval, who is based in the village of Gesvres in western France. For this year’s festive season he has added a new product to the range which he has titled “The Father Christmas fart pill that gives your farts the scent of chocolate”. They retail at €9.99 euros (£8) for a jar of 60 and bring benefits such as “the reduction of gas and bloating.”
Mr Poincheval said he came up with the idea for the pills one evening when he was enjoying a hearty meal with some friends. “Our farts were so smelly we were nearly suffocated. Something had to be done,” he said. So he began researching natural ingredients that would reduce flatulence and after months of experimentation came up with the recipe for his pills. He has been selling the pills since 2006 and says he sells several hundred a month. “I have all sorts of customers,” he told the Telegraph. “Some buy them because they have problems with flatulence and some buy them as a joke to send to their friends. Christmas always see a surge in sales.”
First off, good try Santa Claus. I’m not buying that “dinner with smelly friends story” for one second. More like the reindeer back draft was getting so potent Mrs. Claus wouldn’t give him any nookie after a hard night’s work every Christmas. Probably had to have his little elf pharmacologists whip up this magical pill and in his generosity he decided to gift to the world. I see you Nick. And I love it.
Secondly, I want this, need this, got to spike my grandpa’s drink with this at every holiday meal. And let’s be honest, I could use 1 or 5 doses as well. I’ve had dogs blame me before. Don’t get me wrong. I love my own brand. Who doesn’t? But at some point in life you realize you’re just breathing in air shot through a turd sploof and it sort of loses its appeal. Gone are the days of ripping bongs and ripping ass and yukking it up with your college buddies. You’re an adult now. And when the hot chick from HR sits down in your cubicle just after you released a cloud of gas that’s probably banned by the Geneva convention, it’s not so much funny as embarrassing. That’s why this little fart pill is so great. I want to toot rose petals and vanilla. Lilacs and lavender. Imagine dutch ovening your girlfriend and having it smell like fresh baked brownies? Sounds pretty magical doesn’t it?
Well your point was kind of made there.
Actually a pretty apt analogy there. Just like this beautiful dove, our friend is dead and lying on the ground like a big dead dumb idiot. Nailed It pastor, absolutely nailed it.
I love how black people do church. Alright, mmmm, alright, oooooh. So much emotion, so much heart, except for the dove and the dead guy, those two have no heart because they’re dead.
Has anyone ever done Black Friday?
The hordes of crowds….
Just a little different than today huh?
What’s the deal with Black Friday? Does anyone do it? I honestly just assume anyone with a brain and an internet connection knows that you can get the exact same deals online basically at any point in the year and don’t have to fight for you life with the masses of suburban mothers and poor people looking to re-sell items. I’m genuinely curious. Has any stoolie ever done this? Such a wild and crazy world that I can’t even relate to. I watch these Black Friday videos and it doesn’t even feel like the same Earth I live on. Who the fuck wants a toaster or blu-ray player that badly? Just sit at home, watch football and get drunk, about a million times better than dying outside of a Wal-Mart
Love this guy who basically admitted he goes out to Black Friday to look at hot chicks while wearing dark sunglasses inside. Don’t hate the player.
Step right up and watch the Circus
DENVER — Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose‘s left hamstring hampered him in the first half of Tuesday night’s game against the Denver Nuggets, and he did not return for the second half as the Bulls fell 114-109.
The Bulls officially listed the injury as left hamstring tightness, but Rose said after the game his hamstring was fine and he did not have a setback. He was “just trying to be smart” given his recent injury history.”It wasn’t nothing like I’m limping or I pulled it or anything, it wasn’t any of that,” Rose said. “It was just that I wasn’t moving the way I wanted to while I was on the floor. So why push through it when I wasn’t able to affect the game the way I wanted to? I came in here and talked to (Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau) and we both agreed on just sitting out.”
Derrick Rose’s need for rest this season, which continued Tuesday, extends a worrisome trend for the 26-year-old and the Bulls.Rose was 1-for-4 from the field for two points in 10 minutes, but was not aggressive when he was on the floor. Rose acknowledged that Thibodeau initiated the conversation at halftime and Rose agreed with his coach’s decision because he was having a hard time moving around on both ends of the floor against the Nuggets’ high-tempo offense. “It’s frustrating,” Rose said. “But you can’t let it get me down. I know that at the end (the setbacks) are just going to be minor but it’s a long season and we just got to keep going and I know the team, they’re not worried about me. I should be good.”
No one wants to read the same thing I’ve written a million times. Just have patience, let the meatballs be the meatballs, let the media criticize him and sell their papers, and you, the rational fan, have patience. That’s the strategy, throw on your shirt and let it all play out.
And if D-Rose is in fact hurt again, it’s fine, we always have Captain Kirk to lock people down.
And weed, lots and lots of weed.
An epic struggle
You know the old “Thrill of Victory, Agony of Defeat” shot they do at the end of sporting events. Well this right here is the very definition of Agony of Defeat.
Bested by a Butterball Turkey. You lifted those weights, you watched that film, then you hit the field and a dead Turkey beat your ass. And for us it’s one of those moments where you don’t realize the small things in life. Like being able to pick up a 20 lb turkey with the ease and strength of a thousand midgets. Meanwhile Verne here is in a life and death struggle just to get that frozen turkey from point A to point B. If you are thankful for one thing this holiday season be thankful for your ability to carry a Turkey, if you are thankful for 2, be thankful Verne Troyer exists and has a pretty good sense of humor about all of this.
Hit Play, Scroll Down, Stare at Picture, Scott It Off!
Protesting is VIOLENT tonight
Wouldn’t want to be a chain link fence in Ferguson Missouri tonight that’s for damn sure.
Update – Guess it’s in LA, which makes no sense, guess everyone is rioting now.
Hello I'm Darren and I am WHITE
Jesus Christ Darren, clean it up man. You look like a Freshman Frat Pledge who bought a $17.99 shirt off one of those tables in the front of Sam’s Club. Be more frumpy and awful looking. Trying to convince people you’re not the whitest person alive, god damn.