I presume I’m not really a bath guy because I’m an adult and not a woman in a romantic comedy having a stressful week at work. But when I was on vacation a couple weeks ago they offered this thing called “a romantic bath” and obviously I had to take them up on it because god forbid you get branded with having scumbag taste around these parts. The bath ended up looking like this:
While the champagne was nice and conceptually I like the idea of frolicking around in some bubbles, the bath thing just didn’t do it for me. Maybe it was the fact that the water was so hot that it felt like it was vengeful townspeople trying to get revenge on Freddy Krueger or maybe it was how my dick kept floating upwards in the water as if it were a sun dial. Hard to say. But the point is that, in that moment, I reasserted that bath life is not a life for me.
But seeing Charlotte McKinney here, is it possible I’m wrong? Perhaps baths are a gateway to enlightenment and relaxation I’m just not equipped to handle. I feel like I’m missing out on something. Or just cobbling together a blog as an excuse to post more of Charlotte McKinney’s A++ titties, personally my favorite pair on the Internet. Hard to say.
Plus nipples here because we are not savages.
Lot to get through, let's roll
Directv is giving out an Exclusive student discount for Stoolies looking to watch all the games- Prices now starting at $49.99. Stream 2014 NFL SUNDAY TICKET live online. No satellite required. eligible school links at the end of the blog.
Let’s rewind all the action in the sports world while realizing that the best part of Cam Newton’s game last night was his Charlotte Hornet cleats.
New Orleans 28, Carolina 10
You think I was joking? Look at Cam’s numbers last night.
And they somehow felt worse than that. Overthrowing receivers, making poor choices, just an awful awful game from Cam. So much so that his owner basically died in his box midway through.
Alright, say something nice about the Panthers and their organization.
Grown men are good at dressing up like children?
The Defense is good at lucking into absurd interceptions?
Read the rest of this entry »
Al Roker came to play for Halloween
Al Roker may look like a shriveled up California Raisin and he thinks he’s such hot fucking shit now that he’s lost all that weight even though he has the charisma of an angry colonoscopy but I have to admit the man can play one hell of an ass bongo. Gusto all over the place. Fuck the weatherman’s awkward response when they cut to him, dude has no musical taste to speak of.
Plus if you’re going to butt bongo on any woman in morning TV, Savannah Guthrie is the move. Kathie Lee would be way more into it, just shouting and housing a bottle of pinot while telling you how Frank Gifford used to do it with his meaty palms before the arthritis kicked in but Guthrie’s just begging for it. MILF city.
Catch me on @NFL_AM as the man @JJWatt. #HappyHalloween pic.twitter.com/ZfR0KTriiI — LaVar Leap Arrington (@LaVarArrington) October 31, 2014 Easy for you to brush it off as “light makeup” and say it’s nothing racial, LaVar. Just a day at the office to you while the rest of us live our lives with our light [...]
Easy for you to brush it off as “light makeup” and say it’s nothing racial, LaVar. Just a day at the office to you while the rest of us live our lives with our light skin. We can’t just get a face wipe and remove our lily white complexions, this is who we are. You just don’t understand since you haven’t dealt with years of oppression in the form of this outdated view of racial identity played for laughs from people who are supposed to be our peers.
That last one cuts the deepest of all. Thought we were pals, Grandpa Munster.
But either way you can still suck it, LaVar, this chick did JJ Watt better:
Better Call Saul
NYDN – [Suspected meth dealer] Edward Henderson ultimately ended up being betrayed by his best friend soon after bolting from his Prattville, Ala. home when the city’s drug enforcement unit pulled up with a search warrant, police said.
The suspected meth head managed to run out the backdoor and down a 25-foot ravine where officers temporarily managed to lose him.
“The dog, later identified as Bo, looked at one of the investigators and the investigator pointed at Henderson and said go get him. Bo without hesitation went down the ravine trailed by two Drug Enforcement Investigators,” the police department said in a release.
Upon exiting the brush Bo tipped them off to some tall grass he was now hiding in, all by the swoosh of his tail. There with him they found Henderson lying flat on the ground.
“Bo was rewarded with dog biscuits from our K-9 Sergeant,” the Prattville Police Department said.
What the fuck, Bo? We’re just willing to give up that whole “man’s best friend” thing the second the cops come to the door? Apparently the Stop Snitchin’ movement didn’t make its way to canine WorldStarHipHop. On the one hand, I’m really disappointed in Bo. I can’t speak to how good of an owner some alleged Alabama meth head is and we all saw how well turning a blind eye to slinging that crystal worked for Skyler White in Breaking Bad. But I’d expect my dogs to be a little more ride or die if the cops came knocking at my door. I’m not saying they need to strap on the bulletproof vests and evolve some opposable thumbs to fire at the cops but to just trade me in for a Scooby Snack the second times get tough…I feel like picking up your shit multiple times a day over the course of several years should engender just a little more good will.
I’m glad I’m not a meth kingpin, though; decent chance my younger dog would have ratted me out for abuse for making her wear this shirt before the Cowboys game on Monday.
PS – I’m filling in for Big Cat today while he brings joy to the coeds of Ohio State with Pres. Feel free to comment “#blessed” in response.
We ready for this weekend #BarstoolGameday #DumbToOSU pic.twitter.com/cUOVheMWs4 — Barstool Gameday (@BarstoolGameday) October 30, 2014 Barstool Gameday sponsored by Dumb and Dumber To (in theaters Nov 14) is at Ohio State today. We’re shooting Barstool Gameday at 4pm. We’ll be at 219 E 17th Ave in Columbus. Look for the two guys dressed [...]
Barstool Gameday sponsored by Dumb and Dumber To (in theaters Nov 14) is at Ohio State today. We’re shooting Barstool Gameday at 4pm. We’ll be at 219 E 17th Ave in Columbus. Look for the two guys dressed in Harry and Lloyd tuxedos. All Stoolies are welcome. Halloween costumes welcome. The more the merrier. And follow @barstoolgameday for all the pictures and news and where we’ll be at OSU.
Marian Hossa just officially punched his ticket to the Hockey Hall Of Fame. 79th player in history 1000 points and its fitting that he got it in Ottawa where his career began. Just under a point per game for his career which is incredible considering he’s also one of the best defensive wingers of [...]
Marian Hossa just officially punched his ticket to the Hockey Hall Of Fame. 79th player in history 1000 points and its fitting that he got it in Ottawa where his career began. Just under a point per game for his career which is incredible considering he’s also one of the best defensive wingers of his generation. Stick tap to Hoss.