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(Source) The world will never see Joe Francis’ first-hand experience going wild on camera, as the raunchy footage has been returned to the “Girls Gone Wild” honcho, thanks to Vivid Entertainment CEO, Steve Hirsch.

News broke earlier this month that a “hardcore” sex tape starring Francis and his girlfriend Abbey Wilson was pilfered off of Wilson’s iPad and was being shopped to various media outlets, The Post confirmed. The tycoon — recently convicted of misdemeanor counts of assault and false imprisonment — threatened criminal and civil action if the video was ever released. But thanks to Hirsch— a pal and fellow skin-flick peddler — the tape will never see the light of day, TMZ reports. He apparently bought it from the seller for an unknown amount, then gave it right back to Francis.

Hirsch told the gossip site that “because of the time-sensitive nature of the situation I made a decision to expedite the process and return the movie to its original owner.” The video is said to be of professional quality. “I’m a connoisseur of pornography,” Francis told The Post. “I’m Steven Spielberg when it comes to this.”

Hey thanks Steve, really appreciate it guy. Really happy you bought that sex tape featuring the bombshell that no one wanted to see. That was nice of you to just go ahead and take that from all of us. Just decide that we didn’t need to see it. Like when your parents didn’t let you watch R rated movies when you were a kid. You’re our father Steve, you tell us what we can and can not watch. Good one guy, much appreciated, you fucking asshole.

PS

Joe Francis calling himself the Steven Spielberg of Porn is so cocky but at the same time, 100% accurate.

I’m fine with this, if Rovell wants to live in a house with me, cool, sort of weird that he just woke up this morning and decided this was the day he’d call me out, guess that means I’m in his head, that Darren Rovell is thinking about me more than I’m thinking about him. My only request though is that we have a basketball court in the backyard so we can play 1 on 1 24/7/365.

…

All honesty, I think my price is $10,000 a month. If you paid me $10,000 a month I’d live in Rovell’s house with his wife and child’s twitter account that Rovell uses to retweet himself.

That and anchovy pizza, don’t forget the anchovy pizza.

That was an ugly, ugly loss.  Maybe the most lopsided Hawks loss in recent memory.  The Bruins came out on fire and the ice was tilted all night long.  Crawford kept the score respectable, but the Bruins dominated last night.  They dictated the style of play and choked the Hawks offense all night long.  And when the Hawks did find themselves with scoring chances they were too fine with the puck.  Rask got the shutout, but that was the easiest night of work he has had in the series.  No net presence, quality scoring chances missed the net, and seemingly every other shot was taken from outside the circles.  Losing Hossa in the warmups was obviously a huge blow, but not an excuse.  Nothing went the Hawks’ way last night and they clearly became frustrated.  The good thing is that this series isn’t a best of three.  And judging by the comment section and twitter that fact might actually surprise people in Boston.  This series isn’t over.  The Hawks are a championship, character team and they have always responded to adversity.  I expect Game 4 to be their best game of the year.

-The Hawks really missed Hossa last night.  In a game where the Blackhawks struggled to create offensive opportunities and retain puck possession, his strength and skill was sorely missed.  He is a guy who can turn nothing into something and the minutes defensemen play against him are extremely taxing.  I can’t decide if Hossa taking the warmup and then sitting is a good or a bad sign going forward, but hopefully he is able to come back and help the cause.

-Really tough spot for Ben Smith, but overall he played a strong game.  He didn’t take a good angle to the puck on the wall that led to a first goal, but that’s really nitpicking.  Strong game.  Stage wasn’t too big for him.  He’s definitely a guy the Hawks can trust out there and I wouldn’t mind seeing him again in Game 4 over Handzus or Stalberg.

-Faceoffs…woof

They were a problem all night.  Starting with Big Cat(In his defense the linesman should’ve tossed Pres) and continuing all night the Hawks were awful on the draws.  Bolland went 1-7 and Handzus 0-10.  It’s tough to get your puck possession game working if you are constantly having to chase the puck after draws.  Faceoffs are really a line stat, not just a center stat, and the Hawks need to do a better job of supporting their centers on 50/50 draws.  Having said that…if Handzus is going 0-10 he shouldn’t be in the lineup.

-I can’t talk about the powerplay much more.  It’s stale and predictable.  They rely too much on point shots.  I know it’s tough to work from below the goal line with Chara out there, but in years past when the power play was successful they got the puck to Toews on the goal line and he would take it hard to the net.  Make teams react to that option and then you can soften up the middle for that seem pass from half wall to Sharp, Keith, or Seabrook breaking back door.  It needs to be simpler.

-I am praying Bickell has finally arrived in this series.  It seemed like he took a deep breath once the Hawks made it to the Finals.  They need him to find the Game he has had all post season.  The shot he rang off the post was his first real scoring chance that I can remember in the series.  I am hoping that scoring chance and his little dust up with Chara will light a fire under his ass for the rest of the series.

-Kane needs to pick up his play too.  We need that Kane that we saw at the end of the LA series.  Aggressive Kane.  Dynamic Kane.  The Kane that let’s his nuts hang in everyone’s face.  When Kane is in attack mode he is the most dangerous player with the puck in the NHL.  He is at his best when he is playing with other speed players.  I would move him off of Handzus’s line.  Let him go get the puck, create chances, draw penalties.  He needs to have that confidence that he is the best player on the ice because most of the time…he is.  He has to want the puck.

-The Blackhawks were clearly frustrated early and they got away from their team game.  Too much one on one.  Everyone trying to do too much.  The Hawks played a little bit better in the 3rd, but it was too late.  They can win this series, but they need to push back.  Play their game and impose their will on the Bruins.

-I pretty much hated the lines last night.  Losing Hossa last minute obviously throws a wrench in the plan, but I would’ve like to see the Hawks load up with their big guns at times.  Like I said yesterday, trust your best players to be your best players.  You can beat Chara with quickness below the line.  Make his minutes hard.  My lines for Game 4 without Hossa: 29-19-88, 10-36-65, 20-16-67, 25-26-28.  With Hossa: 29-19-88, 10-65-81, 20-36-28, 25-16-67.

Series definitely isn’t over.  I love the guts of this team and I fully expect them to come out in Game 4 with their best effort of the season and a win.  Then we just have a best of 3 with home ice.  I still think the Hawks bring it home.  Crawford has been the best player for the Hawks and the team needs to pick him up on the other end.  Desperation mode the rest of the way.  The Hawks are the better team, but they have to play like they believe it.  Let’s fucking go, I am ready for Game 4 right now.

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Traded  to the Cubs last week. First two pitches for the Cubs on Monday against our rival, beans an ump and drills a player. Henry Rodriguez, I have a feeling you’re going to do just fine with us bro. Welcome to the team. Glad to have you.

Honestly, not even joking, I’ve seen enough, Marmol you’re fucking out, Henry Rodriguez, you’re fucking in.

Not mad at this guy in the least. Everyone’s been there. Sometime you go into your office and say fuck it, I’m just going do the absolute bare minimum expected of me, just going to have an excel spreadsheet open and coast through this day, or in this guy’s case, “I’m just going to throw boxes on a conveyor belt at a 40% accuracy clip and zero regard for any of the contents”. Sometimes you just have to say fuck it and let it ride.

PS

Anyone ever been a bigger snob face than the British camera man? Fuck you dude. Are all those boxes yours? No? So shut the fuck up and be miserable on the plane like everyone else.

Tits will make me feel better, they always do.

(73 votes, average: 9.14 out of 10)

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Not our night, plain and simple. Wednesday night will be different, can’t give up on this team now.