Rockland, Maine (Source) – Fred Thomas, a 62-year-old Cushing man, was sentenced to jail after he allegedly assaulted his estranged wife with his penis because she wouldn’t have sex with him.According to Rockland police, Thomas and his wife continued to live together on a temporary basis after she decided to dissolve their 39 year marriage. During that time, he offered to pay her $20 for sex. When she refused his proposal, he pulled out his penis and smacked her in the face with it.During a police interview, Thomas told investigators that he was distraught because his wife met a man in Pakistan online and was planning to meet him. The victim told authorities that she did not want her husband to jail over the incident, and insisted that anger management counseling would benefit him far better than jail time. Thomas pleaded guilty to charges of domestic assault and battery.  A third charge of unlawful sexual contact was dismissed. He was sentenced to 180 days in jail, however all but five days were suspended pending the completion of an anger management course. Judge Jeffrey Hjelm, pictured above, presided the case.

If there was ever a story to dissuade everyone from ever getting married this has to be the story right? Fred Thomas is literally begging his wife to fuck him. Even offers her money, cold hard cash, and what does she do? Not only shuts him down but adds insult to injury and goes out and gets a Pakistani boyfriend on the internet. That’s such an incredible slap in the face. Choosing an online foreigner that you can’t even touch instead of your real life American husband? I mean there’s only so much a man can take right? Everyone has their breaking point. When all the shit in your life piles up and you just can’t take it anymore. When you lose out to some Pakistani guy who doesn’t even exist. When your wife hates you so much she won’t even take your money for a handjob. Its sort of like Michael Douglas in Falling Down, when he walks around LA with a rocket launcher going apeshit on people because American society is morally corrupt, except instead of  a rocket launcher and American society its a penis slap in the face and a guy who can’t get his jizz on. Fred Thomas just needed to let off some steam.

PS
Not to add insult to injury here but getting a sentence reduced from 180 days to 5 must mean your dick isn’t that much of a weapon right? Like if I ever get arrested for dick slapping someone I would hope the judge understands that I want the max sentence allowable. Anything less is just flat out embarrassing.