Typical Heat. What a dick
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How About This Fucking Guy?
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The Wednesday Self Help Guide - Red, White, and Blue Balls
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Lil Dicky's 'White Dude' Is As Hilarious As It Is Accurate
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Norris Cole Grundle Punched David West
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Norris Cole Grundle Punched David West
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Barstool Chicago Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Ashley
Introducing Ashley from Chicago. Fire smoke to end the day. Girls like Ashley make the week a little more bearable.
Send all submissions to chicagotips@barstoolsports.com Do your part
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You May Be Stuck In A Cube But At Least You Aren’t Bottle Cap Man In Andersonville
Life is all about perspective. Does sitting in a cubicle suck? Yes. But the alternative could be walking around Andersonville in a Bottle Cap suit for no apparent reason whatsoever, so you’re doing just fine.
Seriously though, what’s this guy’s deal? Anyone know.
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Quite Possibly The Most Agressive Mugshot Hair In The History Of Mugshot Hair
Arrested for pot possession, probation violation.
VS.
You know how Pres calls his hair “surfer hair”. Well yeah, I don’t think he’s allowed to do that ever again. That phrase means nothing coming out of his mouth now. It’s an embarrassment to hair worldwide. Because there’s surfer hair and then there’s surfer hair, and this right here is surfer hair.
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Jenny McCarthy vs Paris Hilton, Who Ya Got?
We’re going to do a full post tomorrow with Urlacher’s top 5 plays and a career retrospective but I wanted to quickly do this. I initially made it a MFK but realized there are no good 3rd candidates. That stripper he knocked up is beat, and totally pulled the goalie on him so she sucks. Everyone else is a no name. Sending his ex-wife or some random chick in to the ring would just be mean, total slaughter. So this is just head to head. Jenny vs Paris for the Marry, because fuck is too easy as in both choices are perfectly fine. So Who Ya Got?
Jenny McCarthy
Pro’s – Hot. Funny-ish. Seems to be relatively normal all things considered.
Con’s – She’s 40. She openly admits to farting, which is just about the most disgusting thing a girl could do.
Paris Hilton
Pro’s – Hot. FILTHY rich. Also, she’s very very rich, this is important
Con’s – She’s Paris Hilton, which basically means she’s the worst person in the world.
Gun to my head I think I’m going Jenny. I just don’t think any amount of money would make Paris Hilton bearable. Like you know the old saying money isn’t everything? Well I think that saying was specifically meant for Paris Hilton and having to deal with her for longer than 10 minutes.
Vote 1 for Jenny, 10 for Paris
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White Sox Looking MUCH Better in the Past Week… Is There Hope?
The Hawks and Bulls have dominated Chicago’s sports media in the past month or so, so I didn’t want to hijack the attention from them and post stories from a Sox team that was pretty much unbearable to watch. But now that the Bulls are done and the Hawks season might be done as soon as Saturday, baseball is all we’ll have left to talk about until the Bears report to Bourbonnais towards the end of summer.
What a relief this last week has been. No, it’s not like the Sox put together some huge winning streak. I know that. But the way the team is playing right now is a complete 180 from the first 40 games of the season. The bats are FINALLY awake. Even Dunn looks a lot better, as much as I hate to admit it. Like I have said all along, if this team can put together just an average offense, they can and will contend for the division title. The Indians are playing great right now, but no team that has Nick Swisher as their cleanup hitter is going to make a legitimate playoff run. (Don’t make me look like an asshole and start hitting the ball, Pauly.)
Here’s a few “buds for your bowl” as Rear Ad likes to say:
- Chris Sale has extended his scoreless innings pitched streak to 23 innings, but he’s once again feeling a twinge in his throwing shoulder. Kinda concerning. Having said that, there’s not a better lefty in the game, when healthy, right now than Chris sale. (don’t any of you idiots even try and say Travis Wood). By all accounts, if it were up to him he’d be starting tonight but administration won’t let him. Time to worry? Stay tuned…
- Josh Phegley is absolutely tearing apart the International League right now. He’s hitting .333 with 10 HRs, 28 RBIs and a .393 OBP. Flowers is brutal and wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t in a Sox uniform come the All Star Break.
- Even though the White Sox have been pathetic until this past week, they are still only 5 games back of first place in the division. That, and this super cute Sox fan Alexa, (send out the Smoke Patrol?) had an awesome little nugget on just how close the Sox are right now:
#WhiteSox currently have the same record that they had at this point in the season last year- the year we held on to 1st place for 117 games
— Alexa (@AVaicaitis) May 16, 2013
- John Danks is officially returning to the rotation as early as Friday, which brings up a few questions: Who will be the odd man out between Axlerod and Santiago? Will the Sox seriously consider using a rotation featuring 4 lefties? Is Danks’ velocity where it should be? Guess we’ll find out.
That’s about it right now. Time to nut up or start the firesale. Discuss in the comment section amongst yourselves.
PS
My Hawks bandwagon playoff beard is filling in nicely. This is about 3 weeks worth of growth. It’s getting really hot out though so I’m kinda hoping they lose just so I can buzz it off. I was jamming out to “Angie” by the Stones in this pic, seriously considering shelling out $400 to see them this summer. Hideous.
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Jose Canseco Is Currently Live Tweeting An Unfolding Rape Allegation/Case
He’s been deleting most of these tweets.
Interesting interesting tactic here by Jose. Possibly rape a woman and then start sending out all her private information and pictures. Hmm. I’m not a lawyer, but I’m going to just say this is probably not the way you want to deal with a situation like this. Just seems like blasting a possible sexual assault victim to your million followers is going to be frowned upon if you did actually, you know, rape her. Again, not a lawyer so who knows, maybe this is a zig when everyone zags situation. Chess and checkers. Or what probably happened here is that Jose has just gone full retard, and as they say, you never go full retard.
PS
They swapped steroid recipes didn’t they. -
Wayne Gretzky, Still Got It
If you were Wayne Gretzky would you ever not be drunk trying to smash strange V? Honest question. There is literally no reason not to right? Yeah he has a wife but come on. It’s the Great One. If you were in his shoes you would party 24/7/365 and answer to absolutely no one.
Oh and this look
…
That’s the “My daughter posts pictures of her vagina on the internet and there is literally not one thing I can do about it” look. 1,000 yard stare right there.
