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Barstool Chicago Local Smokeshow of the Day – Boriana

Introducing Boriana from Chicago. Good thing summer is here because bikinis are right in Boriana’s wheelhouse.

Send all smokes to chicagotips@barstoolsports.com, tweet us at ChiStoolInterns, or friend/message us on Facebook.

By chi-interns posted June 11th, 2014 at 5:00 PM

Italian Porn Star, Rocco, Is Giving Up Sex in Support of His World Cup Team

Telegraph – Porn actor Rocco Siffredi made a vow of chastity this week, to show his support for the national team in the football World Cup that starts on Thursday in Brazil, according to a video posted on his Facebook fan page. Looking into the camera as two young women sprawl on the bed behind him, Siffredi says, “Guys, I’ve had thousands of orgasms but there is one I will never forget. The one I had together with all of you. Do you remember when we won the World Cup in 2006?”

“So for that collective orgasm (to happen again) I am prepared to go without my orgasms. For the entire time our national squad is in Brazil I won’t have sex. It will be my chastity vote for the victory of Italy,” he vowed. “I foresee hard times, very hard, but you need to support me, you need to write to me, don’t abandon me,” he urged fans. “And to the 22 players who are in Brazil, I ask only one thing, let me at least enjoy you,” he said.

 

 

Is he giving up on jerking off? Or just sex? Because I could give up sex for the entire time the U.S. team is in Brazil. It would have literally no effect on my schedule. Now jerking off? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a patriot, but if the U.S. coach can’t be bothered to say we might have a chance at winning the whole shebang, then I can’t be bothered to not peruse xHamster on a hourly daily basis.

And if you’re a porn star, isn’t not having sex no big deal for you? If anything, it’s a vacation. Essentially, he’s just promising not to go to work during the World Cup. Tough life bro. Maybe up the ante. Show the I-ties you really care, you know. How about you come do my job and I do yours for about a month? That’s sacrificing for your country. You sit in a cube until Italy loses and I make a bunch of 12 second pornos under your name. You’d make Gandhi’s fasting look like a sunny gondola ride through Venice in comparison to that torture. Italia Unite!

 

 

P.S. Is orgasming together with your favorite sports team super encouraging for them? Or is that just an Italian thing? Because if it’s totally normal I’ll make sure to let B.J. Upton know that I’ll come everywhere if the Braves win the World Series this year. Like Peter North sized loads all over Atlanta. Planes won’t be able to leave Hartsfield because the runway will be so sticky. If we have another ice storm they won’t even need to salt the roads because I’ll have taken care of it. That’ll make him get the bat around for sure.

By sobol posted June 11th, 2014 at 4:30 PM

Instagram Heat Check Of The Day











dani mathers

By t bone posted June 11th, 2014 at 4:00 PM

What State In America Drinks The Most Alcohol In A Given Year?

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(source) Here are some pretty sobering statistics: American alcohol consumption has been steadily rising over the past couple of decades, and the National Institute for Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism said in their annual report this year that the average American aged 14 and older drank 2.33 gallons of alcohol in 2012. So which American regions and states are the drunkest? The western region of the United States comes in at number one, with the average Western American  consuming 2.42 gallons of alcohol per year. But when it comes down to individual states, the answers may surprise you

 

10.Idaho-2.76

09. Colorado -2.76

08.Alaska-2.82

07.Vermont-2.92

06.Montana-2.96

05.Wisconsin-3.00

04.Nevada-3.27

03.North Dakota- 3.42

02.Delaware-3.59

01.New Hampshire- 4.65

 

 

New Hampshire? Well that’s a shocker. I would have put my money on Alaska being number 1. I was almost positive that was all Alaskans did. Sit in igloos, get loaded and hunt for seals. But New Hampshire? Weird. I think of New Hampshire and I think of Johnny Cakes and Vito driving around topless on their motorcycles, not hardcore boozers.

 

Anyway, how the Barstool Cities/States fared.

 

37.New York-2.17

Do you even drink bros?

 

35.Maryland-2.21

 

Daquiri shots anyone?

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33.Pennsylvania-2.26

Expected more out of Pennsylvania what with Smitty getting in a chugging contest every weekend. Amish probably fucked this one up.

 

26.Illinois-2.36

 

Living the perfectly average life. Can handle that, remember, no one likes a hero.

 

24.Iowa-2.39

This seems low, what else do people do in Iowa do besides drink Natty Ice and blog?

 

19.Massachusetts- 2.57

 

The Barstool winner, can only imagine what Hank will do to this number now that he’s 21, just kidding he blacks out after about 2 sips.

 

 

PS

West Virginia coming in 49th is the ultimate upset. Guess Nazi militia cults don’t drink?

By Big Cat posted June 11th, 2014 at 3:25 PM

My Rebuttal On Big Cat Calling Me Out For Saying Kate Upton Is a “6″

 

I’ll make this short and sweet: yes, I’d bang Kate Upton every day of the week and twice on Sunday given the chance, which I will never have. Yes, she is a world famous model, dates famous athletes and would never give a short, overweight, washed up, cube dwelling, former D3 benchwarmer the time of day. But I will stand by this until the day I die:  Kate Upton is a fucking 6.  Yes, a SIX.  Anyone who laughs at this needs to get their eyes checked.

 

So as you all saw, earlier, Big Cat wrote a blog calling me out for saying she’s a 6.  Here’s his exact quote:

 

BUT, and this is a big but, she is still Kate Upton. Yeah she may be a little heavier and doesn’t dress to the 9′s every time she goes out but she’s still a chick most of us wouldn’t even be able to approach at the bar. Somehow that is lost on anyone. Like Whitesoxdave calling her a SIX. A fucking 6.  If Kate Upton is a 6 I would love to see what a 10 is. The overreaction to Kate Upton is so fucking absurd.  So happy belated birthday, still have a piece in my heart for you Kate.

Okay, Big Cat.  You would love to see what a 10 is?  Well I’d be happy to assist you with that.  Here’s a an example of a ’10′.

10 – Helen Owen.  Chief said it best: “If I could make a perfect girl from scratch, it’d be her”.  Can’t argue with that.  She’s perfection.  Another example would be Candice Swanepole.  These girls are so out of this world hot they make livings off it.  No common man would even dare attempt to take down a goddess such as these:

 

 

9.  These girls are also famous and probably wouldn’t be if not for their looks.  They are also untouchable, but not perfect.  There are small minor defects that hold these girls back from being flawless.  E.G. - Megan Fox’s thumbs

Capture3

 

 

8.  Hot as hell, but not famous.  This chick could more than likely be a 10 if they realized that their looks can be a major asset to them.  They’re always the hottest girl at the bar, think they’re untouchable, and throw out lines like “why are all these assholes looking at me, I’m just here with my girlfriends and trying to get duh-runk” when in reality it’s her one and only goal, to get dudes to gawk at her.  These girls will often times be accompanied by a D.U.F.F. (designated ugly fat friend).  Examples include:  every smoke show on Barstool Sports, the hottest sorority girls, etc.

 

 

7.  Very attractive.  These girls are often times the “cool” girls, as they can usually handle their alcohol without turning into emotional train wrecks, don’t think they’re better than everyone, and can do awesome things like naming the 2005 White Sox starting rotation.  Not other worldly hot, but still very attractive.  “Potato sack” girls, if you will.

(last girl is ridiculously hot, but popped up on google when I typed in ‘potato sack girl’ so it will have to suffice)

6.  Better than average looking.  Would be a completely average chick you see every day, but she has one asset that sticks out, making people blow her hotness level out of proportion.  E.G. – Kate Upton’s tits

 

 

 

4-5.  Average girls.  Not necessarily ugly, just not very hot.  These girls often times become a common man’s wife, judging by the comment sections’ disdain with their wives looks.  It is what it is I guess.

1-3.  Ugly.  Fat.  Gross.  Revolting.  Examples of these girls would be girls that have succumbed to meth addiction, BBW chicks on pornhub, and “tub girl”.

 

There’s my rebuttal.  Kate Upton is a 6.  Prove me wrong, you can’t.

By whitesoxdave posted June 11th, 2014 at 2:55 PM

Did Mark Cuban Just Buy Big Cat LLC?

Screen Shot 2014-06-11 at 2.02.51 PM

Screen Shot 2014-06-11 at 2.08.30 PM

 

 

Yup, bye Barstool. Mark Cuban here I come, but not really because I’m actually already at the airport sitting at a Chili’s eating chips and buffalo wings waiting for my flight back to Chicago, but then again maybe he’s just waiting to give me a call. Crazier things have happened right?

 

 

PS

He took my 2 dollar bill in my pitch and didn’t give it back which technically makes me richer than him right? Go ahead Mark, have that money, I don’t need it anyway (sort of do).

 

 

Double PS

Cartoon Big Cat is a little bit of stretch, I now can see that.

 

 

By Big Cat posted June 11th, 2014 at 2:20 PM

US Open Draft Street Is Here, $100,000 Up For Grabs

 

Screen Shot 2014-06-10 at 11.44.34 PM

 

Nothing better than Golf Majors. Bonus sports for the entire weekend, perfect napping TV and perfect for Fantasy. Only a fool wouldn’t sign up.

 

Sign Up Here

 

Contest Details
-$100,000 U.S. Open Big Score
-4-day Fantasy Golf Contest, June 12th – June 15th
-$55 direct buy-in, 2000 entries
-$20,000 First place Prize
-This fantasy golf contest lasts through the entire 4 days of U.S. Open, but you only draft you PGA golfers once. If your golfers advance to the next round then they stay on your roster, and the biggest cumulative score at the end of the Open wins the $20,000 First Place Prize

 

 

Sign up here!

By Big Cat posted June 11th, 2014 at 2:00 PM

World Cup Preview Groups A, B, C, And D

 

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World Cup Prediction Time – Part 2

WORLD CUP: Previews of Groups A through D

Food for thought: Gone are the days when a lowly Saudi Arabian squad could limp into the World Cup only to get shredded 8-0 by a German team giving about 60% effort. The pressures of globalization — including the exchange of ideas and styles, not to mention players and coaches — have raised the level of play around the world.

There are exceptions, of course. Take North Korea, which has successfully managed to avoid adopting modern conveniences like the internet, flush toilet and food, and was rewarded with a 7-0 ass-whooping at the hands of Portugal at the last World Cup in South Africa – which as a result may or may not have gotten the players tortured and/or sentenced to hard labor camps.

 

 

1-North_Korea
Both rumored to have been screwed by Ronaldo

 

Kim-Jong’s contingent aside, the rest of the world has embraced the globalization phenomenon. This year’s tournament will see Brazilians playing for Croatia and Spain, a handful of players with dual German citizenship playing for the United States, and an Algerian team consisting of 17 French-born players.

The effect of all this has been a relative evening of the playing field, with the difference in skill level between the highest and lowest ranked team in each group – take Brazil (#3) and Cameroon (#56) – being not nearly as pronounced as it was as recently as a decade ago.

Thus, lazily picking the top two seeds to make it out of each group is quite simply not going to work out very well… in fact, making predictions at all given the wafer thin margin for error is essentially a fool’s errand.

Thankfully, I am nothing if not a fool. So let’s get started.

Read the rest of this entry »

By samsarmy posted June 11th, 2014 at 1:20 PM
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