I’ve flip flopped so many times on Marlins Man. I’ve loved him, I’ve hated him, I’ve love him then hated him again. But I think I’ve finally found a resting place for him. It’s just respect. I don’t like or hate what he does anymore but I respect it. A 50 year old man wearing Marlins gear at random sporting events throwing a little twitter game at a 21 year old girl. Is it a little creepy? Sure, but as the old saying goes, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Hockey Round Up time. “Oh great, time for my app to crash”–everyone. Hey guys…
2-man Tuesday metaphor
Trying out a new segment this week called “Foreigners Are Fucking Weirdos”. Exhibit A) Dominic Hasek during HOF weekend
Exhibit B) Russia has a bear skating during the intermission. Looks a little like John Scott out there
Speaking of foreigners, Peter Forsberg went into the Hall Of Fame last night. You may or may not know that Peter Forsberg is my favorite player of all time. This picture made the rounds on the internet this week because…the 90s.
“A ruptured spleen is a hell of a long way from the heart”–Peter Forsberg
Jaguars Cornerback Arrested For Trying To Pay For Groceries With A Piece Of Gum, This Is Why You Stink Jacksonville
SOURCE — Jaguars cornerback Dwayne Gratz found himself into a sticky situation early Sunday morning. The second-year player was out of cash so he tried to use bubble gum to purchase several items at the on-site grocery store at the Ocean Reef Suits in Miami Beach, Florida. According to a Miami Beach Police Department report, Gratz argued with an employee at the store after he tried to pay for several items with bubble gum because he didn’t have any money. After Gratz refused to leave the store and caused a disturbance that caused other customers to leave the store, the report said the employee called police. The two MBPD officers that arrived noticed that Gratz had bloodshot eyes and smelled of alcohol, the report said. They told Gratz to leave the store several times but he told police: “No. I’m not leaving.” After being given one more chance to leave, Gratz was arrested at 5:53 a.m. and charged with disorderly intoxication and trespassing after a warning, both misdemeanors.
And this is why the Jaguars will never be good at football. You got arrested for trying to barter with a stick of gum? What is this 4th grade? Look I’m not saying there is a direct correlation between crime and success in the NFL but you know how many Super Bowl Rings Ray Lewis has? You know how many people he’s murdered? You know how many times he’s been arrested for purchasing things in gum? See what I’m saying? Of course people are going to get arrested on the bye week. That’s just part of the NFL. But at least get kicked out of a club or get a DUI or something cool. Haggling with a clerk at Walgreens over a stick of gum is a joke. Winners commit real crimes, losers get arrested for gum and play for the Jacksonville Jaguars. These are just facts.
By now you’re hopefully aware that the Cubs traded for 25-year old Braves second baseman Tommy La Stella. If you didn’t know that well I guess now you do. The Cubs got him these weekend by giving up Arodys Vizcaino and some international pool stuff that we weren’t using anyways because remember we’re handcuffed after Theo fleeced that market last summer. Don’t be too worried about Vizcaino. He’s had multiple elbow surgeries including a Tommy John so his ceiling is limited to being a reliever. And his contract as an international free agent allows him to be arbitration eligible in 2016 despite only 22 career innings in the bigs. Theo loves control and you don’t have it with him. So flipping him for La Stella makes sense.
As for La Stella, here’s what you need to know – first and foremost, the guy can hit. Time will tell exactly how well he can hit at the big league level, but if minor league performance is any indication, he’s going to be just fine He’s hit .322 across 3 separate seasons since going out of the 8th round of Coastal Carolina in 2011. He took a steaming hot dump on the cape cod league in 2010, but was criticized for not having much power, being an average runner, and a moderately below average defender, hence him falling to the 8th round. Doesn’t matter though. His hit tool is that good that really anything you can get from him that’s average across any of the other tools is going to be a major bonus. He’s a line drive hitting lefty with good plate coverage, a simple swing and advanced middle-other way approach that made him look like a man amongst boys in AA last year.
But here’s the biggest thing about the trade – we now have serious trade flexibility to actively engage a trade for Cole Hamels – otherwise known as the best left handed pitcher in the national league not named Clayton Kershaw or Madison Bumgarner. We know they asked for 3 of the following – Addison, Bryant, Soler, Baez, and Edwards. We know they would gladly take Castro too. And we know Theo easily told them to pound sand as a result. But now we have yet another option here. We could package Castro with La Stella, or Baez with McKinney, or Almora with La Stella and Baez. Needless to say, there are tons of options. And given the fact that we really didn’t NEED to make a La Stella for Vizcaino move, I think we definitely see some trade activity directly tied to the move. Ideally that’s for Hamels because like I said, the dude is a flat out stud. I won’t do the thing that WhiteSoxDave does where he screenshots the smallest fucking picture available of a player’s stats. Instead I’ll just tell you about him.
Hamels will have success well into his late 30′s. His endurance/career health is a testament to his mechanics and pitchability. This is not a situation where you’re going “oh shit he’s pitched 1650+ innings in 8 years he’s totally fucked.” Quite the opposite. Hamels mixes his changeup so effectively that velocity fall out is not a major risk either. And while we’re on the subject, his changeup is one of the best in the game. Just this past year it ranked 3rd highest in runs above average and over the past 3 years it’s by far the best in baseball. I mention that because a good changeup takes a long time to die meaning that he’s more likely to deliver over the long term. Then on top of that, he’s got relevant playoff experience, has pitched well on a mega-deal in the past and has had a wealth of success against NL Central opponents.
You simply don’t come across guys like Hamels that often, especially in the modern age of throwing the ball as hard as you can every goddamn time. As such, we gotta make a move for him regardless of whether or not we bag Sherzer or Lester. He would be the perfect complement to go in front of Arrieta in the rotation and pave the way for to the 2015 Division Championship. And for that reason, I’m in.
Giancarlo Stanton Celebrating With A Giant Gold Champagne Bottle Because He’s About To Get Paid $68,449 Per Day For The Next 13 Years
I saw this little math nugget from nerd boy yesterday and meant to blog it but totally forgot. 68 thousand dollars per day for 13 years. Giancarlo Stanton gets a fairly decent yearly salary every single day. I can’t even wrap my brain around that and I guarantee Giancarlo can’t either. He has that look in the video where he’s just like yup, I’m so rich it’s not even real. Such an outrageous amount of money. Just let me have one day dude. I feel like that’s not asking for a lot. 1 day out of 365. Eat a sandwich from 7-11 and watch TV in your house for one day while I get your salary. I’ve literally never asked you for anything Giancarlo. Do the right thing.