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Latest “Prank” Video Has Guy Fake Drugging Girls, Thankfully He Gets His Ass Kicked

 

 

 

How about these Mexican kids not understanding what a prank is? Dude, a prank, like when you plant a girl next to an unsuspecting person then have another guy come and fake drug her and then the girl passes out and it’s just all a hilarious prank. Jesus man, it’s like these guys have never been on the internet before. This is pranking 101. Who hasn’t done the old fake drug a chick prank before. So fucking funny. Probably my favorite gag going.

 

 

 

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more punchable face in my life. Prank or no prank, this kid fucking sucks.

 

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Also, mix in a push up every now and then idiot.

 

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By Big Cat posted July 22nd, 2014 at 10:30 AM

Couple Caught Having Sex On The Beach In Florida For 25 Minutes

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JULY 21–A Florida couple was arrested last night for having sex on the beach in front of numerous individuals, including a four-year-old girl and a witness who recorded the sandy tryst with a camera phone, according to police. Elissa Alvarez, a 20-year-old waitress, and Jose Caballero, a 39-year-old personal trainer, were each busted for felony lewd and lascivious exhibition on Cortez Beach in Bradenton. Alvarez, seen at right, and Caballero were each released from jail today after posting $7500 bond.

Cops were summoned to the beach by witness Emily Hall, who told officers that a Hispanic couple was “laying on a sheet next to her” when they “started to fondle each other.” In short order, Hall reported, the pair “started to have intercourse on the beach,” according to a probable cause affidavit. Hall said she was “very upset” because her four-year-old daughter “witnessed the couple having sex.” Six other witnesses filed complaint affidavits describing Alvarez’s and Caballero’s explicit beach performance. In fact, “One witness filmed the couple with a camera phone to be used as evidence for this complaint,” an officer noted.

 

 

 

If you watched the news report you’ll know there’s one key piece of evidence. These two fucked for 25 minutes. TWENTY FIVE MINUTES! Such an outrageously long time to be having sex for. Which is their one and only fault. No one likes a show off. It’s not like this is the first time two people have fucked on a Florida beach before. But 25 minutes is just shoving it in everyone’s face. You can’t be doing that in broad daylight. Letting everyone know that you fuck like a pornstar. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, fine. But if you’re having sex for 25 minutes you deserve to be arrested solely on the crime of being a try hard at sex. Total loser move (is how I rationalize being awful at sex).

 

 

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Yes, definitely, for like 2 and a half minutes.

 

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By Big Cat posted July 22nd, 2014 at 9:55 AM

The Champion Water Skier Who Pretended To Not Know What Pete Carroll Looks Like Apparently Is Smarter Than The Internet

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So everyone on the internet is freaking out about this picture. Oh my god dude how could you be so dumb! You just saw a white haired guy with a Seahawks shirt on and thought he was Pete Carroll?!?!? NO WAY!

 

 

Have we become this stupid? Honest question. I mean yeah I get tricked from time to time on the internet, no one is perfect, but this couldn’t be more clear what’s going on. You’re a championship water skier, whatever the fuck that means, you want people to start saying your name and sending your instagram around so you fake a picture and pretend to be stupid. There is a zero point zero percent chance this guy actually thought he was meeting Pete Carroll. Pete Carroll just won a Super Bowl and his face has been EVERYWHERE. Come on internet, be better.

 

 

 

PS

Just met Air Bud, pass it on.

 

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Began Water Skiing at age 2 is such a tough guy move.

 

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By Big Cat posted July 22nd, 2014 at 9:20 AM

Things We Learned This Morning – Kanye West Wears His T-Shirt Into The Ocean Like A Total Sucker

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Awful awful look. I don’t care if you’re 3,000 pounds, you can’t wear your shirt into the ocean/pool. It’s basically announcing to the world that you’re not only fat but super insecure about it as well. Can’t show weakness like this. Sun Tzu Kanye, ever heard of him? Appear weak when you’re strong and strong when you’re weak. As a fat guy the only way to deal with the beach is to pretend you’re not fat. Kill them with false confidence then go home and cry about it after. T-Shirt is is like waving the white flag on life. Can’t have it.

 

 

The only way this is allowed is if it’s one of those floatie T-Shirts that kids that don’t know how to swim wear in the pool, or if you’re a Mexican family on Oak Street Beach.

By Big Cat posted July 22nd, 2014 at 8:40 AM

Tough Go For Chip Caray On The Old Disc/Dick Slip Up Tonight

   

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Get it, he said dicks instead of discs. Classic mixup.    

Holy shit do I need football to get here already. Starting to lose my mind.

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At least we have the Yankees being idiots on national television.

By Big Cat posted July 21st, 2014 at 8:58 PM

Barstool Chicago Local Smokeshow of the Day – Kayla

Introducing Kayla from Park Ridge. She’s goes to U of I. This trend isn’t broke so we won’t bother fixing it.

Send all smokes to chicagotips@barstoolsports.com, tweet us at ChiStoolInterns, or friend/message us on Facebook.

By chi-interns posted July 21st, 2014 at 5:00 PM

Rob Ford Just Beasting Kids At The Playground

 

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I was going to say something along the lines of Rob Ford living the life and basically having zero cares. But then I realized something, this is actually an extremely sound way to test playground equipment. If Rob Ford can climb something without it breaking it is the safest piece of playground equipment on the planet. Fact.

 

I think we just found his new job for when he loses this fall’s election.

 

 

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By Big Cat posted July 21st, 2014 at 3:56 PM

This Weekend’s Biggest Hardos

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I took last week off to hunt big exotic game in the Serengeti, so my apologies to the 5 or 6 of you that actually want to read about the Cubs. We just got swept by the hopelessly bad Diamondbacks so let’s just not go there right now. Instead, I want to introduce this past weekend’s biggest hardos – a vague, impromptu designation that means exactly what you think. Let’s take a look at our nominees

 

(1) Sand Volleyball Charity Try-Hard: As some of you know, Jay Cutler hosted a charity volleyball tourney this past Friday.  And as you can imagine, Barstool was put in the group of death for pool play. After all you gotta make it fair for everyone. Anyways, we’re playing the U.S. Men’s National Team, or something like that, and just getting the ever god loving shit kicked out of us. Granted, being 10 hard ciders deep didn’t help the cause. (Bonus hardo of the week nominee: commenter ripping the consumption of free hard cider when only other option was water.) But I’m not here to make excuses. I’m here to shame a professional volleyball player running a train on us at a 6 on 6 charity sand volleyball tourney at North Avenue Beach on a Friday morning. This guy basically fired off 10 straight aces as he should because remember he does it for a living whereas Dante Big Cat and myself DJ, write blogs and make sausage for a living respectively. Sick serves bro. In any event, after 10 straight aces, the guy said, “Wow at this point I think I just feel bad for you guys” and proceeded to send the next serve 75 yards out of bounds. As in “Here you go, little brothers. I’m getting bored playing with you.” Well let me ask you something you awkwardly tall, socially inept, 130 pound wanna-be European mother fucker – when’s the last time you vine’d a Yabo? Or when’s the last time someone asked you if YOU knew Big Cat? Or got a snapchat from WhiteSoxDave? Or got mentioned by KFC on twitter? Yeah that’s what I thought you little bitch. Now go fetch me another ice cold cider.

 

(2) Colby Lewis Enforcing Un-Written Rule That’s Un-Written Because It Doesn’t Exist: This one’s pretty ugly. Colby Lewis was doing his best Colby Lewis impersonation Saturday afternoon in Toronto, which meant drastically laboring through 5 innings of ugly, agonizing, awful baseball. It also meant starting shit with Colby Rasmus over a 5th inning bunt single during a 2-0 ball game. You see, Rasmus is what some people would call a pull hitter. (Insert spray chart.)

 

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And typically you shift against a pull hitter like Colby Rasmus. Right? So that’s what Texas did, and this is what happened:

 

 

Colby Lewis let cooler heads prevail though, and issued an apology immediately after the game. Haha just kidding. He kept bitching because that’s presumably what people named Colby do when things don’t go their way. They bitch.

 

“I told [Rasmus] I didn’t appreciate it,” Lewis said. “You’re up by two runs with two outs and you lay down a bunt. I don’t think that’s the way the game should be played.” … “I felt like you have a situation where there is two outs, you’re up two runs, you have gotten a hit earlier in the game off me, we are playing the shift, and he laid down a bunt basically simply for average,” Lewis said.

 

How selfish! Nevermind that Lewis was about 15-20 pounds away from being able to make the play. We’re talking about unwritten rules here and unwritten rules don’t give a fuck about things like average or sound strategy. At least of course not while Colby Lewis has a say in the matter.

 

(3) Fernando Rodney For Reasons Other Than How He Wears A Baseball Hat: 5 out saves are tough to come by, which is generally why you reserve any and all choreographed celebrations for that 5th and final out. After all, no one gets laid for holding down the 8th inning lead when there are 9 innings worth of baseball. And even more so when you play for Seattle. Don’t tell that to Fernando Rodney, though, who spared no time in stringing his bow and arrow routine against the Angels this Sunday after pitching out of an 8th inning jam. Rodney didn’t just celebrate though – he taunted. Specifically, he taunted Mike Trout and the rest of the Angels dugout because why the fuck not? If you want to be the best, you have to beat or taunt the best, so going after Mike Trout makes all the sense in the world. Only problem is Rodney had to face Trout/Pujols/Hamilton to seal the win. Wonder how that turned out?

 

Wait for it…

 

 

That’s the perfect fairytale ending in my book. The lesson? Knock that shit off.

 

@barstoolcarl

By carl posted July 21st, 2014 at 3:35 PM
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