Awful execution coach. Awful. 2/10. Like why did he just walk off the ice? Hey bro you just hopped the bench and ass planted yourself. Make it worth your while at least. Don’t just brush yourself off and walk away. Grab a player by the skate and chase the ref around with it or something. At the very least cross-check a kid on the other team into the boards and leave him unconscious for cheap-shotting one of your guys. Something, anything except just walking away. Like if that’s all you’re gonna do you might as well just take the long way and walk around the rink. Maybe grab a slushie or a hot dog from a vendor or something. No use embarrassing yourself for nothing.
You think an entire 53 man roster just magically lines up in a perfect line for a team picture? HA. There’s only one man for a job like that and he goes by the name Clubber. Clubber Robby Lange, WHOA.
For those asking, update coming later in the week. Lets just say, I’m putting a lot of time into it. I mean, it is the Super Bowl.
O/U amount of “Whoas” Robby used today – infinity, hammer the over.
thanks tony for the pic
San Francisco Couple Wires $6,000 To Man They’ve Never Met In Florida Hoping For His Super Bowl Tickets And He Sends Them An Empty Package Back Saying “Enjoy The Game! Go Ravens! LOL”
Source - A couple from Hayward, California hoping to see their San Francisco 49ers take on the Baltimore Ravens in New Orleans on Sunday fell victim to a nefarious hoax this week after wiring nearly $6,000 to a man in Boca Raton who claimed to be a Baltimore Ravens season ticket holder. The couple apparently spent a week communicating with a man they found on Craigslist (red flag #1) via email, text and phone calls before agreeing to wire (flag #2) nearly six grand to his credit union. On Monday, they received their FedEx envelope, but instead of the four tickets they had agreed to purchase at double their face value, they a lame printout of a Super Bowl XLVII promotional materials and a note scrawled with the message: “ENJOY THE GAME!!!! GOO RAVENS!!! LOL.“
The Super Bowl troll goes by the name of R. Thomas Pham Guan and claimed to be season ticket holder at Baltimore’s FedEx M&T field even though he told Sharon and her boyfriend that he lived with his pregnant wife in Florida (flag #3).
Every fiber of my being wants to hate this dude for being such a dick and robbing $6,000 from these people but I can’t. I mean did you see his alias? Dude went by the name R. Thomas Pham Guan. That’s unbelievable. Without a doubt the most preposterous, arrogant fake name I’ve ever heard in my life. Like if you take one look at R. Thomas Pham Guan and can’t recognize you’re being had and you’ll never sniff your 6 g’s or Super Bowl tickets again you’re a grade A certified fucking idiot. Sorry you just threw away thousands of dollars guys but you just got taken out by the best.
R. Thomas Pham Guan – 1, Hippie Losers from San Francisco – 0.
Source - For Alissa Berg and Don Gold, it was love at first swipe. Four years ago, Gold’s morning commute involved riding the Brown Line to the Kimball stop and walking a few blocks to Northeastern Illinois University in North Park—until one day, he spotted the No. 82 Kimball/Homan bus heading his direction. He hopped on the bus and saw Berg. She had just taken the Brown Line and was riding the bus to her job at WTTW, the public TV studios near Northeastern. They both got off at the same stop. He held the door for her. Love was in the fare.
He began tailoring his schedule to ride the bus at about the same time she did. She thought he was cute. One day on the bus, he pointed to her WTTW tote and said, “So, you work for the station? “Three years later, as they were walking downtown by the Chicago River he asked her another question. This one came with a ring. They say they owe the CTA for getting them to the aisle. “I have always liked the ‘L.’ It’s one of the best things about Chicago,” said Gold, 33. “I’m definitely very grateful that I met Alissa on the bus.”
Since their first encounter in 2009, Berg and Gold no longer commute together. Berg now rides the Purple Line, and Gold drives. They haven’t taken the No. 82 bus in a while, but Berg said she would like to take some engagement photos at “their stop.” For her part, Berg said she has endured some light teasing for how she met her fiance. Before then, she was never much for talking to others on the CTA, telling Going Public, “it could have been really creepy if he wasn’t so cute.” Now, she recommends being friendly to other riders. “I would say definitely smile at people. Just smile at someone,” said Berg, 30. “You never know. That’s kind of how it started with us.”
First things first I just gotta say I love the puns that were dropped in this story. “Love at first swipe” “Love was in the fare” HA! Good one, guys.
Anyway I can’t believe this is actually some sort of feel good story. As if falling in love on the bus next to masturbating homeless people and gang members is some sort of romantic fairy tale. Yeah sweet little tale to tell the grand kids. Love was in the fare, so was the stench of urine, also my wallet was stolen, and a member of the Gangter Disciples split my skull open with a crowbar. Beautiful stuff.
And I’m not some asshole who rolls their eyes at every “How we met” story. I definitely don’t care to hear any of them but I get how that’s sentimental to people. But if your “How we met” story is you were both on a city bus and started having a real-life, actual conversation then you’re both certified psychopaths. Talking to people on the bus is for people who want to get mugged, murdered or raped. Period. It’s literally the last place on Earth I’d go searching for someone to spend my life with unless that life was in the depths of hell and we were stuck there for eternity.
PS – GREAT advice by that dude near the end. “Just smile at someone”. Yeah sure thing bro. I’ll remember to thank you for that when I’m getting buried alive in some lunatic’s crawl space.
It’s not rape if a chick is just drunk off Jesus right? Either way I’m pretty sure this broad’s just gliding along riding a Sybian on low power or something.
PS – Gotta love how she dropped in some stuff in tongues real quick at the 0:57-0:59 mark. Dropping in some tongues here and there is like DMX yelling “What!” for Christian people.
Source - A French establishment named Ne Quittez Pas(“Please don’t leave”) is serving a ‘dirt course’, according to Japanese Rocket News, a website that sampled the menu. For $110 you can eat the stuff you scrub off your sneakers and pry from your kid’s mouth on the playground. Ne Quittez Pas’ menu includes a potato starch and dirt soup, salad with dirt dressing, aspic made with oriental clams and a top layer of sediment, a dirt risotto with sauteed sea bass, dirt gratin, and dirt ice cream. According to the Rocket News investigation, despite appearing, well, dirty, none of the dishes actually tasted like dirt and were described as “delicious” and “divine.”
Love the people getting all pouty faced at this Japanese restaurant selling dirt food to their customers. Yeah okay you poor, pathetic heathens. Enjoy your chicken parm, spaghetti bolognese and glasses of red wine or whatever else you suckers eat. I’ll be dropping bills at Ne Quittez Pas stuffing my face with dirt rosotto, oriental clams with sediment and mud ice cream until my stomach explodes. Maybe I’ll learn a few things, go home, make a bomb dirt meal from scratch then grab a handful of mulch from the courtyard outside my building and throw that shit right on top like its parmesan. Sounds delicious.
Can you imagine if they tried this on steak fajitas at Chili’s or pizza at Lou Mal’s or something? People would be like “What the fuck are you doing?” and just leave immediately. Yet somehow in Japan they create a whole 5-course meal with dirt as the special ingredient and end up charging you more for it. Those japs are cunning as shit.
Introducing Becca from Lemont and North Central College. Becca’s killing me with that dog picture. Chicks + dogs = greatest combination possible and potato sack city.
Know a girl that needs to be a Smokeshow? Hit up the inbox at Chicagotips@barstoolsports.com and shoot us a Facebook link.
“Get the fuck out of my face bitch”
You know, I was going to say this is the grossest thing in the entire world but then Lisa said this, “Before I eat it I kind of look at it to make sure its relatively clean”, and that completely changed my opinion. Like yeah being a 43 year old obese tattooed woman living by yourself in Detroit eating cat hair all day everyday is sort of weird, but at least she’s making sure its clean first. Its all about context. Sort of like when you drink too much on the weekend. You may think you have a drinking problem but at least you’re not a heroine addict. Just like Lisa may be gross but at least she doesn’t eat DIRTY cat hair, that is straight up Disgusting.
On to the more important question though. How much. How much to fuck Lisa. And not just fuck her. You have to go to her house, lick a few cats, let her make you a Cat Hair Casserole and then make LOVE. I’m saying not a penny less than $100,000 untaxed. Actually, looking at this picture again, I’m saying $200,000. Final Answer, all cat hair must be checked for cleanliness first, non negotiable on that part.
Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Who Got Wasted And Smashed Up A Hotel Trying To Rescue His Wife Who He Thought Was Being Held Hostage Even Though She Was At Home Sleeping?
Source – Boaz Police have charged a man with going on a rampage at a local hotel. Anthony Dale Williams, 38, was arrested early Saturday morning after police said he was highly intoxicated and couldn’t find his wife. Police said Williams thought she was being held hostage at the Boaz Inn on Highway 431. He reportedly threw a brick and a garbage can through the window of one of the rooms. She wasn’t there. According to police, she was at home the whole time.
Fuck man, we’ve all been there. You go out for a good time, you go a little overboard with the drinking and all of a sudden you’re at the Boaz Inn off Highway 431 in Arizona smashing bricks and garbage cans through windows trying to save your wife whose being held hostage. Heard it happen a thousand times. Guy probably came to out of a blackout and just knew in his heart of hearts that his wife was in danger. Just had that husband’s instinct. And really there’s no option at that point. You can either turn into a monster and go home without saving your wife while she gets held hostage and abused, tortured or worse. Or you can be a stand up guy and a hero by causing astronomical amounts of property damage trying and save her. It’s good to know there’s people out there like Anthony Dale Williams, the heroes walking among us, who make the right decision when called upon.
At 37 Years Old, Ray Lewis Used Deer Antler Spray And Hologram Stickers To Come Back From An Injury Faster Than Anyone Ever Has, Which Totally Explains How It Wasn’t Steroids
(Source) Hours after he tore his triceps during an Oct. 14 home game against the Cowboys, Ravens All-Pro linebacker Ray Lewis and Ross connected on the phone. Again, Ross videotaped the call. “It’s bottom, near the elbow,” Lewis said of the tear. After asking a few pseudo diagnostic questions, Ross concluded, “All right, well this is going to be simple. . . . How many pain chips you got around the house?” “I got plenty of them,” Lewis replied.
Ross prescribed a deluxe program, including holographic stickers on the right elbow; copious quantities of the powder additive; sleeping in front of a beam-ray light programmed with frequencies for tissue regeneration and pain relief; drinking negatively charged water; a 10-per-day regimen of the deer-antler pills that will “rebuild your brain via your small intestines” (and which Lewis said he hadn’t been taking, then swallowed four during the conversation); and spritzes of deer-antler velvet extract (the Ultimate Spray) every two hours.
“Spray on my elbow every two hours?” Lewis asked. “No,” Ross said, “under your tongue.” Toward the end of the talk, Lewis asked Ross to “just pile me up and just send me everything you got, because I got to get back on this this week.” Ross says he provided the products free of charge. He even trotted out a novel S.W.A.T.S. technology for the star client: undergarments — black with Lewis’s name and number in -purple — drenched in pungent menthol liquid that Key and Ross exposed to radio waves. All Ross wanted in return, he told Lewis, is for the future Hall of Famer to tell the truth — that he used S.W.A.T.S. products — when he returned to the field. On Dec. 5, Lewis practiced for the first time. He did not play in the final regular-season games, but remained a boisterous sideline presence and joined the jubilant locker room celebration after Baltimore routed the Giants 33-14 on Dec. 23 to win the AFC North.
Ohhhh, my bad guys. Here I was thinking that a 37 year old Linebacker who tore his tricep, an injury that usually takes SIX months to fully heal, only to be back on the field in under 3 months might have been possibly doing steroids or HGH. Silly me. It was just deer antler pills, super high powered rays of light, negatively charged water and hologram stickers. God I feel so dumb.
Honestly though, why the fuck is no one talking about this? I know the un-mentionable with Ray Lewis is the whole “he may have murdered a guy” thing, but why is no one at least looking into this a little more? Are people really buying this? That Ray Lewis just slapped on one of those Nike Ion bracelets they sell at Sports Authority for 19.99 and boom, tricep healed? Its absolutely mind boggling. Look at what a doctor and two different NFL players said about tricep tears right after Ray injured his arm.
(Source) Lewis had surgery Wednesday, and the Ravens put him on injured reserve with the designation that he could return this season. That seems like wishful thinking even if the Ravens make the Super Bowl because, Glashow said, a tendon is not fully healed for three months. That does not include the time it would take Lewis to regain the normal strength in his arm. Berry and Warren both said it took them about six months. Lewis, 37, has made no announcement about his plans since the injury.
So two NFL players both younger than Ray Lewis at the time of their injury took 6 months to fully rehab, then a doctor, you know an actual doctor not a guy who is an amateur sticker collector, said a tricep tear is not ready for rehab for three months , and Ray Lewis started practicing 7 weeks after the injury and no one finds that weird? Oh and he also agreed to retire on his way out? Yeah that’s just Deer Antler pills guys. Totally believable.
I seriously have read this line 10 times and I still don’t understand what the fuck is going on.
“a 10-per-day regimen of the deer-antler pills that will “rebuild your brain via your small intestines”
What? A deer horn makes your stomach tell your brain to rebuild itself? Do I understand that correctly? Who the are these guys kidding?
I mean look at this fucking guy. He looks like on of us. Like a long lost Barstool blogger, not a guy healing NFL Players from MAJOR injuries.
Chicagoist - A real estate developer, Rodney Lockwood, self-published a book, Belle Isle: Detroit’s Game Changer that places the island nearly three decades in the future as an enlightened “city-state” with “its own laws customs and currency, under United States supervision as a Commonwealth.” Had Lockwood ended there, we’d have no post. But he thought the plot device of rounding up some of Detroit’s favorite sons to raise the $1 billion in capital necessary to fund this hare-brained plan could be conceivable. Apparently, so do some of Detroit’s civic leaders.
Reading the FAQ section, however, one comes to the conclusion that what Lockwood has really done is write a plan for an exclusive development, with the Detroit River and a $300,000 buy-in as a moat, with heaping sides of Objectivism and free market economics.
Yes. Love this idea. I’ve had it with poor people. Always in your face asking for food or money for the train or help not dying and shit. It’s getting absolutely ridiculous. Like sorry I can’t give you my spare change bro, but you look really dirty and decrepit and I think it’d be more fun to throw these coins down this storm drain instead. Clean up your appearance before you go begging people for their hard earned dough.
And this isn’t just great for rich people. Middle class folk will have it made without any wealthy people around. Like say you’re one of the sorry few who can’t afford to throw down the $300,000 buy-in deposit on Belle Isle like the rest of us. Sure that makes you pretty poor by Belle Isle standards, no question there, but in Detroit you’ll live like a king. You’ll be the new rich. You can hire the homeless to be your slaves and shit. Steal things whenever you want. Maybe open one of those Japanese restaurants where they serve dirt to customers. It’ll be a better world for everyone. Except the poor of course but lets be honest nobody really cares about them anyway.
Beautiful. Straight 10′s across the board.
Reader Email – Does This Look Like The Face Of A Suspect Wanted In An Eastern Illinois Bar Fight/Shooting?
I go to Eastern Illinois and this past weekend a fight broke out outside a bar…shots were fired and the cops are now lookin’ for the suspect. Cameras inside the bar caught the dude cuttin a rug…check out these moves
I don’t know why but I absolutely died when I saw these pictures. A+. Outstanding. Would look at again. Best Surveillance Photos of all time.
I mean if you’re going to have your face plastered all over the news/internet for a shooting at a bar they might as well be of you having an Awesome time right? Booty shaking, knee popping, shirt over the head move that some random white guy always pulls at a wedding, this guy had a GREAT night. Almost makes you forget the fact that he fired a gun into a crowd of people outside of a college bar, almost.
I pray to god those are tear-aways. Such a badass move. I still remember my one and only pair when I was like 12 years old playing YMCA basketball. Everything in my life has sucked since then.
Army Veteran Describes Experience Standing Next To Jim Cornelison For The Anthem, Thanks Chicago And Blackhawk Fans
(Source) Please excuse this post, especially the length… but I love you guys here and I want to share something that means a lot to me as a Hawks fan.
Last night I had one of the most incredible and surreal experiences of my life and I’m compelled to leave it here in order to reinforce the idea we have about what a special organization the Chicago Blackhawks are.
In 2009, while on deployment, my family placed me on a waiting list for the USO’s spot to honor veterans next to Jim Cornelison during The National Anthem. I was called last week, as my last week in the Army came to a close, and informed that I was chosen for the Detroit game. To say this is an honor is to truly understate what this experience is. It is indescribable; every Hawks fan in the building thanks you for your service. They offer you beers. They truly are interested in your experiences and grateful for the service of the serviceman/woman.
When I arrived, I was treated like a returning Roman warrior; I was parked next to the stadium and brought in through a special entrance. Everyone treated me with incredible respect… from the parking attendants to the in-stadium personnel and fans. I was ashamed that other men and women I served with were not going to have this experience and I felt guilty at times.
When I reported to the ice area to go out with Mr. Cornelison, I was informed that I would be accompanied by a WWII Marine Corps veteran in a wheel chair. When we got on the ice, they situated me next to Mr. Cornelison, to the left of the Marine. At this point the Marine decided he wanted to stand for The Anthem and present arms. So I assisted him out of his chair and held him as he saluted throughout Then Anthem. It was an honor I can never hope to duplicate.
I was seated in section 104 with a group of Detroit fans in front of us, having traveled to Chicago to see the Wings. They were loud, supportive of their team, and gregarious. During the second intermission, one of their relatives, in a Hawks sweater, came over to me and engaged me in a conversation that began by asking me where I had deployed to (multiple times to Afghanistan). As the conversation progressed, he let me know that he had come to the US from Iraq in 1978. He was holding a beer, having a great time, and cheering on the Hawks against his relatives from Detroit. I quickly became aware that this interaction specifically, and the night generally, would be among the great experiences that I will recall at the end of my life: a soldier being treated like gold, sitting with Iraqi-Americans, cheering hockey while drinking beer and roaring for the Anthem and the Hawks. I have never felt more appreciated as an American soldier.
The Chicago Blackhawks do this with little recognition; but soldiers all over the world last night were tuned in because I let them know what was about to happen. I told them I was there not for me but for the men and women we served with that didn’t come home and couldn’t be there, those who are out of the ranks now and recovering from wounds anonymously, and those that still walk the post ensuring our safety and security.
A final note: last April, SSG Dave Nowaczyk, a Hawks fan who I served with at 10th Mountain in Kunar and Nuristan in 2009, was killed on his third trip to Kunar in the village of Pashad in Sarkani District. Other than the initial television notification, not enough Americans are aware that he lived and served… but he was part of our family of Hawks fans and he wasn’t there to see Soldiers and Marines honored like that last night. Guys like that made it possible for me to experience that. And for that, I’m grateful.
The Chicago Blackhawks are the best organization in sports. Soldiers now all around the world, seeing the Anthem display last night, now know that. We’re global. Go Hawks.
Edit: I should note that this was my last official wearing of the uniform.
I know this is long. Don’t read it if you don’t want to. Just thought it was an awesome description of what its like for an Army Vet to be part of the pregame festivites at a Blackhawks game. We (I’m guilty of this) kind of forget how unique and special the anthem is here in Chicago because its so ingrained in every game. Its cool hearing the flipside of it though, and how much the Vet appreciates Blackhawk fans, hopefully he knows we appreciate him much much more and that its the very least we could do for his sacrifice and service. Best fans in the country, best troops in the world.
thanks to dan for the tip